


Rebuilding Our Pack

by NelanieDior



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Stiles, Anchors, Blood Magic, F/M, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Braeden/Derek Hale, Past Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Past Stiles Stilinski/Malia Tate, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scott is a Bad Friend, Spark Stiles Stilinski, Sterek endgame, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 07:53:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 44,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3888337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NelanieDior/pseuds/NelanieDior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott is gone, Malia is gone, Braeden is gone, and Stiles is in charge of the pack. How did this happen?!?! This is how Stiles managed to keep the pack together despite the fact that he is a human and has no idea what he is doing. </p>
<p>Just read me, I have no idea how to do summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why I have to journal like a teenage girl.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first fic I've ever written. Its probably pretty bad. I haven't wrote in years so Im trying to slowly get into it. I have no idea if I tagged everything correctly. I've probably messed it up or forgot something. Sorry about that.

       It wasn’t the fact that he left. It wasn’t the fact that he didn’t say goodbye. It wasn’t even about all the lies he told me. It wasn’t even about all the money he stole and manipulated out of me. I’m not even bitter about this new lifestyle that he introduced me to. Because honestly, with or without him, I was destined to be in this circle. When it really comes down to it, what makes me clench the counter and squeeze my eyes tight to stop the tears, is the question of “Why?” He had to have been planning this for months. On one hand I want to be proud of him for managing to put together such a brilliant plan. He was never good at keeping secrets from me. And why would he? We’ve been brothers since we were 4. We have always been together. I have been there every step of the way since the day he got bitten. I’m the one that figured out what he was. I’m the one who figured out the Kanima and rode in with Lydia to save Jackson. I’m the one that helped with the mountain ash plan. I’m the one who figured out our English teacher was a crazy murdering psycho. I’m the one that got us out of the nogitsune nightmare in the end. I’m the one that helped Lydia figure out how to turn off the dead pool. Fuck, I even led the search and rescue party to Mexico. TWICE I might add!! I know him better than anyone else, even his own mother. So yeah, I have to ask myself, how is it possible for him to pull such a fucked up stunt on me? I never knew. I never even suspected. Looking back on this past year, there were so many clues. So yeah, very impressive Scott. You pulled the greatest con I’ve ever seen.

      But on the other hand…Why do this to me? To me? Of all the people in his life. I would have understood. I helped him in every single way I possible could. And what do I get for all my hard work, dedication, and loyalty? The fucking looks. The pitying looks. The “Wow, that poor little boy” looks. And you know what, FUCK those looks. I most certainly do not need those looks. But that’s what I got left with. An entire pack of different creatures, I have no idea how to help and pity looks. Pity kindness. Pity friendliness. The nerdy boy, whose best friend robbed him of his entire college fund. It’s a small town. And I’m the son of the Sherriff, so of course everyone knows. We had to come up with some type of story for why this smart young man had to defer college for a year. And Stanford college to just to make this whole thing better. Lydia is telling everyone that she wants to take a year to figure out herself and what she really wants to do with her life. She’s trying to decide between rocket science and cancer research. Kira is taking online classes, so she can focus on “Martial Arts” (read: learning how to kitsune). Liam and Mason are still in high school thank god. So at least I’m not alone and have most of the pact together.

     My father though, he’s the only one that actually knows what’s going on. And he just happens to be the only one I can’t look in the eye. Ugh, I feel like such a disgrace right now. I know he doesn’t see it, well me, well I guess the situation like that. Like it’s my fault. Like I’m some pathetic wimp that’s so stupid, his so called best friend conned him out of a couple thousand dollars. It’s hurting him, because it’s hurting me. And as hard as I try to look like I’m okay, he can still see right through me. I know he feels guilty about not being able to afford Stanford. But with the MRI bills, his surgery bills, and the loan from the department there’s not much he can do about it. I know I’m not the only one that is relieved that everyone is still here together though. After the dead pool and dealing with Kate Bloody Argent, we all have a lot of psychological trauma to deal with before we can even try to be in normal human society.  Damn it, I’m supposed to be stronger than this. I can totally handle this. I’ve been through far, far worse than this. The only difference now, is I have no idea who I’m supposed to talk to about this. How do I get over my best friend fucking me over, when I no longer have a best friend to talk to about it? So I went to the smartest person I could possibly think of that wasn’t my father. Lydia.

    Lydia has kindly suggested a journal. She says, write like you are talking to someone who knows you better than you know yourself. You can write like it’s to Scott or even your mom if it doesn’t hurt too much. Just write. Don’t hold anything back. Don’t make it seem like the situation is better than it actually is. Write the raw truth. And then after a while, go back and read it. And then you deal with it. Because it’s right there in your face. There’s no turning away, because it’s in your own handwriting. She even told me, when she starts to feel down about her life, she reads the journals she had started freshman year. It makes her realize that even though she isn’t where she thought she would be in life, it makes her realize everything she has been through and still came out alive. It makes her feel stronger as a person and it helps when the little things get her down. At first, I just blew her suggestion off. I’m not some preteen little girl that needs an outlet for her middle school melodramatic drama. This is some real shit I’m dealing with. Life and Death shit, literally some days. But I just kept hearing her words. Especially today, while I was grocery shopping. Not being able to find half the items I needed for supper that night. Running into people that just want to gossip about Scott. And then it happened, I passed by this clearance rack, and there it was. A brown leather journal, embossed with a fox and a wolf curled up together. How could I not pick it up? How utterly fucking perfect. This simple notebook symbolizes my entire life. I’m a fox curled up with wolves. I picked it up and it has the most glorious smell, like leather and brand new pages. As I looked at it, judging the long ribbon page marker, the spacing between the lines, the designs of little foxs playing along the sides of the pages, I smiled. This is exactly what I need. I can talk, god I can talk so much. About anything and everything, except what I actually need to talk about. And really, who would I even want to talk about this with? Lydia doesn’t really have the patience to listen to me, when all she feels is rage at Scott’s actions. Liam is dealing with his own PTSD and abandonment issues. He might possibly be taking this worse than I am. Derek is so emotionally constipated I would be talking to his overly expressive eyebrows more than anything. Then again, he has been a little more open to me lately. I will ponder about that some other time. Kira, god poor Kira, she is just devastated. She fought so hard with her parents to stay in Beacon Hills, just so she could be with Scott. And he left her behind as well. Thankfully, her mother has taken to teaching Kira how to kitsune basically around the clock so she doesn’t even have time to think about Scott. I guess he left her a letter though. She offered to let me read it, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do so. I have my own letter that I need to read from him. Its sitting in the second drawer of my dresser, shoved into a pair of pants I haven’t worn in 2 years. So yeah, this journal could be exactly what I need. I don’t have to worry about awkwardness coming out of my mouth. I don’t have to worry about being made fun of. I don’t have to worry about getting told to shut up already. I don’t have to unload my bullshit on anyone else when they are dealing with so much as well. Because really when it comes down to it, I’m the one they look to for guidance. So I have to be strong. And if that means I have to write in a journal to give some of this pain an outlet, I guess that’s what I’m gonna do.  

       I guess this is when I actually write what happened. So here it is: My best friend long conned me and left me in charge of his pack when he left. And you wanna know why he left? This is the best part of this situation really. It’s fucking comical. My best friend left to find this person. And I’d like to point out, that it’s not even a real person. No, Scott went to find someone that MIGHT be a female, that could POSSIBLY help him because he/she might know what kind of powers a True Alpha has. This person goes by a code name. He is following rumors of where this person’s territory might be. RUMORS! We all know what rumors are like. Yes, there might be a spot of truth, but for the most part, rumors are fucking lies. Could this quest be any more fucking vague?!?! Hours of research, cell phone bills through the roof from calling international numbers for even a sliver of information. Everything I did for this boy, who I loved like a brother, and he just left me. After a year of lies and long hours at the local fast food joint flipping burgers, to lend money to my best friend that I never got back, he leaves. After a year of abusing the hell out of my Adderall so I could stay awake and focus on finding out as much information as possible on this woman, he leaves. And why did I do it? Because it was so important to Malia. He used the one thing that would break me and make me do everything I could to find this woman. I could understand her obsession. After losing my own mother, I would give anything to allow Malia to feel some maternal love. That’s right. Not only did Scott leave, he left with the girl I was kinda/sorta dating. I mean, they didn’t leave me for each other. This “Desert Wolf” could possibly be her biological mother. All of this on the fact that Peter “Complete Psychopath” Hale said he thinks he had a fling with her. But we aren’t completely sure because Talia, his older sister and Alpha, stole his memory of anything that had to do with this woman, including her being pregnant with his child. He had no idea of what the memory was, just that she stole a memory, his logic was that it must have been a very important event for her to take it from him. Lydia heard the voices of the dead saying that he has a child called Malia when she threw Talia’s claws. All of this fucked up bits and pieces comes down to this; desert wolf is another name for Coyote, Malia is a Were-Coyote, so when you put all of the weird mis-matched pieces together you get this. 17 years ago, Peter had a relationship with a woman who is called Desert Wolf. Talia, for whatever reason was not happy about this relationship nor was she happy when she found out about the pregnancy. So she stole Peter’s memory and the child was put up for adoption. Enter the Tate family. Little did anyone know this infant was a born shifter. And when she shifted for the first time, she caused a car accident that killed her mother and sister. She lived as a coyote for the next 8 years. Her adoptive father didn’t know his daughter was a coyote and tried to kill her repeatedly. After Scott Alpha’ed her into changing back into human, she didn’t know how to deal with the guilt while living with her father. After all of this heartbreak, she finds out she is adopted and her real father is Peter fucking Hale. So yeah, I can totally understand why she would want to find her real mother. Hoping and Praying that this woman will be half way decent and actually love Malia and teach her more about her inner animal.

       Actually if I’m gonna be truly honest here, I don’t know what I’m more upset about. Scott pulling a con that would make the Ocean Eleven gang jealous, or Malia actually leaving as well. The sad thing is, I believed her when she said she would never leave me behind. She seemed so serious about it. She doesn’t have uncertainty when it comes to emotions. Its very black and white to her. I don’t doubt that she loved me in her own way, but I think as it got closer to when they were going to leave she realized that she needed to find her own way in life before she could actually be with me. And I can understand that, really I can. Not knowing your place in life is one of the worse feelings. Being a human and running with a pack of wolves. Half of which definitely do not like you, but need you to survive whatever hell is happening can be emotionally draining. Which is kind of an understatement really.

     Which brings me to where we are now. Fucking A. I’m sitting in Derek’s loft waiting for him and Liam to come back from the store because I just couldn’t fucking deal with all the people to finish my shopping. Brett and Mason are laying on the couch together looking sickeningly cute even when they are sleeping. With the full moon tonight we are just going to stick together and let everyone puppy pile in beta form. Brett doesn’t seem to have an anchor issue, which praise be to the higher power, because I don’t think I can handle any more shit. Derek is more than likely going to do a full shift, which I personally can’t wait to see. Basically we are all here to make sure Liam doesn’t freak out. He doesn’t have nearly as many control issues when he has pack members surrounding him.

     And Braeden. Fucking Braeden, oh so fucking kindly, left a few guns and god knows what else to help if someone loses control. Because fucking Braeden went with Scott and Malia to find the Desert Wolf. Derek doesn’t seem all that upset that she is gone. I’m not sure if its because he just wasn’t into her as much as I thought he was or if its because she is somehow staying in contact with him. And fuck, really how I am even supposed to ask Mr. No Emotions what his relationship status is.

Damn I didn’t realize how much I’ve wrote. Guess I should tell Lydia that once again she is a genius and I took her advice. I’m sure she will be smug for a few days. I just hope tonight goes well. *Insert depressive sigh*


	2. You learn something new everyday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry for making you guys wait so long. I fell and had to get 7 stitches in my knee. Which made sitting at my desk very uncomfortable. I got them out and I can now have it bent for short periods of time. So yay! I will be updating a little more frequently hopefully. But here is the next chapter!

So here’s the thing about puppy piles. No matter where I fall asleep in the loft, I always wake up in Derek’s bed. It happens every time. I’m the little spoon, Derek is the big spoon, and Liam is the littlest spoon. I wake up very warm and feel somewhat restricted. And honestly, it’s the best feeling ever. Like I’m completely safe. And as sad as it is, I haven’t gotten to feel like that very much the last few years. So when I’m the only person awake, I let myself just bask in this feeling of contentment. Derek has one arm slung over my waist and the other one under the pillow along my arm. Almost like he was holding my hand. But I doubt he was, why Derek “Underwear Model Adonis” Hale would want to hold my hand. It probably just shifted in his sleep. But it’s still nice to feel that comforting warmth. His stubble rubbing ever so slightly on the back of my neck with every breath he takes. My other arm was slung over Liam, who was definitely holding my hand. He had his arm over top of mine, like he was afraid to lose contact with me for even a second. As weird as it sounds, it made me feel so lucky to have people that clung to me like they were terrified to lose me. I can understand why Scott felt the need to go on this quest, but I feel like I have everything I could ever need right here.

Perking my head up carefully, I spotted Mason and Brett tangled together on the cot we set up at the foot of Derek’s bed. There really wasn’t enough room for 2 more bodies on the bed, but they could still be close enough to feel the pack touch. Satisfied that everyone was safe and unharmed, I let out a small sigh and relaxed into Derek’s hold. As if he could feel me relax, he pushed his body right against mine and let out a small rumble. I tried not to giggle at what sounded like a purr while he rubbed his face on my neck. Closing my eyes, I let a smile stretch across my face. Yeah, it was definitely the best feeling ever.

I knew going back to sleep wasn’t an option, but for right now, I could soak up as much happy pack vibes as I could. Thinking about how I could make this happen more often, and what I need to do to make everyone feel loved, safe, and flourish. Pack bonding nights need to happen more often, Judging by how well last night went, I think everyone else will agree with me. Maybe on certain days of the week we could all get together and play lacrosse, then spend the night at the loft. The parents will accept it, because staying with the Sherriff’s son would keep them out of trouble, bring their grades up, and help them keep in shape for lacrosse season. Everyone knows I had to defer for a year from Stanford and if your son is going to hang out with anybody, wouldn’t you rather have it be someone who got into Stanford?

I know Mason is smart as hell and tries to keep Liam in check. I haven’t spent much time with Brett, but I do think he must be pretty smart as well. He does go to a private school, and Mason seems like a guy with good taste. So everybody could benefit from pack bonding nights including Lydia and Kira. Kira needs a break from her mom’s daily hardcore training sessions. I think she also needs reminded that just because Scott is gone doesn’t mean we all aren’t friends anymore. Foxes might not run in packs, but they do run in family units. Maybe we could be that for her. I wonder if Noshiko has any books about kitsunes I could read. Or maybe even let me sit in on a training session. So yeah, researching kitsunes needs to happen very soon. She might be the only one we know, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t know as much as possible about her species. It might make her feel less alone if she is able to talk about foxing out with us.

Liam is going to be the hardest one to help flourish. Thank god its summer and I have 2 ½ months to get him back in shape. He doesn’t know it, but Mason told me earlier that his parents are worried about him and how depressed he has been. I know a lot of it is because of Scott leaving him behind without saying good bye. It gave him quite the abandonment complex and is probably reminding him of the dead pool. Which is probably why his PTSD is acting up again, after he made so much progress. I’m almost positive the abandonment issue is why he is acting so touch starved. Maybe I can get Derek to confirm that for me. Now that Mason is dating Brett, I’m sure he hasn’t had as much time for Liam. I remember what it was like when Scott first started dating Allison. The thought of Liam alone and afraid makes my stomach sour. Been there, done that. I don’t want Liam to ever feel like that if I can help it.

Derek whining brings me out of my dark thoughts. He must have smelled the distressed chemosignals coming from me. Using the arm around my waist he pulls me as close to his body as possible and throws a leg over my hip. Me being pulled away makes Liam roll over to face me. He pushes himself against my chest, tucks his head under my chin and slings his arm over me and Derek. I feel him tense up, take a couple quick sniffs, then relaxe against my chest. Oh this poor boy, he can’t even sleep peacefully around pack without a little hypervigilance. It makes my heart melt. Using the arm that was slung over his waist, I flattened my hand against his upper back and run my hand back and forth on his shoulder blades.

Until now, I was uncertain about leading this pack. Questioning every move I made, terrified that I was going to fuck this up and ruin all these people that are counting on me to be a leader. Not anymore though. After seeing Liam search for enemies even in his sleep, just made me determined to make this work.

Right now, Liam needs a lot of pack touch and reassurance that he isn’t alone. Maybe I can figure out a buddy system so he isn’t alone for long periods of time. A little bit of therapy wouldn’t be amiss either. I have no idea how to accomplish that though. He can’t exactly walk into a random psych office and tell them he has PTSD from dealing with Berserkers, almost dying several times from a dead pool, and then his Alpha left him to go on a quest to find someone we know next to nothing about. He’d be throw into Eichen House faster than you can say, “My True Alpha sucks!” And that’s when it hit me. Miss Morrell. She knows all about the supernatural and has to have some sort of degree in psychology. She is all about keeping the balance so I know she wouldn’t send him down a dark path. Well I guess I know what I will be doing when I do get up. I think I will make an appointment for myself first. Talk to her about Liam and go from there. Besides, I think I might need a little guidance myself.

Mentally, I start to make a list of things I can do myself for my little rag tag pack and things I’m going to need help with. Really, I just have a million questions and the only person that could answer them is Derek. Even though he has been a lot more open to me lately, I still feel trepid about pushing his boundaries. Even though we went to Mexico to save him and I rode in the back with him and Liam to save Scott…We never did talk about “Void Stiles” and I want to. I really do. I want to apologize for trying to kill him, but in doing so….that could potentially lead to him to ask the one question that could literally ruin everything that is going on right now. Why was he labelled the King on the chessboard?

How would I even tell him? How could I possibly explain it? What excuse could I even come up with that is believable enough that even my subconscious will believe it? Its kind of hard to lie to someone that can hear your heart beat and the skip when you lie. Or, oh god, worse yet, what if he already figured it out? Even if you don’t play chess, everyone knows that the king is to be protected at all costs. He, the King, is precious and so very important. The whole game is centered on making sure the enemy never gets to him. You have to keep the other player away from him, at any cost. Fucking A, its not like I haven’t been thinking about this. I have so fucking much. I’ve spent hours trying to think of what to say about it. It’s just not that fucking simple. Especially when you factor in Malia. Like what could I say about that? Its his cousin, I can’t exactly say I used her to cover up my loneliness. To cover up the fact that I know I will never get to be with Derek. Jesus I am so fucked. Really when you think about it, I’m lucky I have managed to go this long without blurting it out randomly, or even him smelling my lust? Love? Attraction? Affection? Longing? Sadness? Damn it. I just don’t even know what to do about all this. Because even though Malia wasn’t exactly what I wanted, I did love her in my own little way. And that quote, that damn fucking quote always rings in my head when I think about this shit. “If you are in love with 2 people, choose the second person. Because if you were truly in love with the first person, you wouldn’t have been able to fall in love with the second person.” Damn Johnny Depp and his wisdom. But I know, I wasn’t truly in love with her. I loved her, but more in a really good friend way than romantically. I know eventually he is going to figure it out, if he hasn’t already. Me not knowing what the fucking deal with Braeden is killing me slowly as well. If I knew for sure he was attached to someone else I could go back to what I was doing. Which was deal with it, badly, but I did. I could deal with it if he was with someone good enough for him. But Braeden? No. Just no. Not someone that hunted people down for money. Not for someone that killed for money. Not someone that didn’t understand how amazing really is. Not someone whose morals were loose enough that made her Peter Hale’s female equivalent. God, what did he even see in her?

Liam begins to whine against my throat, and snuffles his face deeper into my chest. Damn it. I’ve been thinking too much and he can smell my anxiety -.-‘   “What are you thinking so hard about?” Derek rumbles into my ear. Fuck, guess Liam wasn’t the only one that could smell me. I inhale deeply and opened my mouth to say, “What if I completely fuck this up?” Jesus H. That was not what I was going to say! Derek stiffened behind me, which of course makes my anxiety even worse. “You won’t.” I flinched slightly, out of anything that he could have said, I was surprised at that. And he said it like he was so sure. Like it was completely obvious. I stayed silent, expecting him to say more.  After a minute of nothing I forced myself to say, “How do you know? You can’t know that for sure.” Derek moved his arm from around my waist, for a split second I freaked out that I might have irritated him but then he reached over to put it over the hand I had on Liam’s back. He pulled us both a little closer. “You are the smartest person I have ever met. I’ve trusted you with my life more than once, you have never let me down. We’ve been in worse situations that this. Scott has been gone for 2 weeks. I don’t doubt that for a second that you are gonna come through and be exactly what we all need. You already are doing it right.”

I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I was holding. It was like hearing someone like Derek (Because it was Derek) reassure his faith in me was a huge weight off my shoulders. As long as I have support like this, I know I can handle this. Holding back my tears, I managed to croak out, “Thank you.” My voice was shaky and cracked, but I know he heard me when he hums in reply. Deciding to just bite the bullet, and talk to him about all the things swirling around in my head I said, “Can I talk to you after everyone leaves this morning? There are just a couple things I want to ask.” Derek huffed out a laugh. “Great, I might as well clear my whole day. Knowing you, its more like 500 questions.” I want to protest that, but really, its pretty accurate. So I just nodded my head in confirmation.

Hearing movement, I looked up to see Mason getting up to go down stairs. This is as good a time to get up as any. I can probably even make pancakes before they boys have to leave. Shifting Liam over on his back, I stretched out and froze. That is definitely Derek’s morning wood. I figured locker room etiquette applies and just got up before I could start fantasizing about his rather large member. Picking up my pants off the floor and grabbing my phone off the dresser I headed down stairs to begin cooking. I know all too well how many pancakes these werewolves can eat.

Checking my phone, I sent my dad a text that I would be home later this afternoon. And replied to Lydia’s text, informing her that everything had gone very well last night. While I was debating whether to invite her to the next Moon Night I heard a rather grumpy “Morning” snapping my head up I noticed Brett had joined me and Mason in the kitchen. I didn’t even realize I was just standing in the middle of the kitchen. I quickly grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured myself some coffee. After soaking in a few sips, I started getting the batter, mixing bowls, and pans out for breakfast. Cooking for four werewolves is no small feat. Ugh, let the day begin.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Kudos? Let me know what you guys think please!


	3. So many freaking questions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles gets some answers to his questions, the weird and the normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, THANK YOU! I'm just so blown away by how many people are actually reading this. Thank you guys so much. I'm going to try to update once a week, but please don't hate me if its a little longer. My knee really isn't healing as well as it should, so I'm anticipating problems in my near future. So yeah, here's Chapter 3! Enjoy!
> 
> Side note: so the way this chapter is written is weird, for lack of a better term. Basically bold is what stiles said, italics and * means what he is thinking or actions, and normal text is what Derek says.

          Breakfast was a success. I managed to make enough for three werewolves and two humans. And still had a few left over. I made the young’uns clean up, it’s only fair since I cooked and don’t trust them near a stove. Looks like cooking lessons will be in the future as well. I made sure to talk to Liam before he started to get his stuff together to go home. I just wanted to make sure he knew that he could talk to any of us at any given time. He needs to know he is not alone. I started off sitting across from him but ended the conversation sitting beside him holding his hand. I know how much the hallucinations suck. Not knowing what’s real and what’s not is one of the most awful experiences. I remember quite well from before Void took over. He seemed to accept what I was saying and took out his phone to prove that he had my number, as well as Lydia’s, Derek’s, and Kira’s. I gave him my dad’s number as well. Just in case, you never know when you need a Sherriff on speed dial.

I let Liam go with a tight hug and a kiss on his temple. He ran to get his stuff packed up, I think I may have embarrassed him a little. I also took Mason aside as well. I know how exciting new relationships can be. I know that you want to spend every moment with your significant other and it doesn’t even dawn on you how much you talk about them. But, as happy as I was for Mason, I NEED to know that Liam is okay. I just explained to him that right now, Liam is extremely fragile in many, many ways. And honestly we might have to go back to how we treated him when the dead pool finally ended. A lot of pack sleep overs, a lot of touching, and keeping him occupied enough to not think about all the horrible events he has been through already in his young life. Surprisingly, yet unsurprisingly, Mason totally agreed. I guess even though him and Brett haven’t been official very long, they have been involved a lot longer than we realized. Brett has been totally accepting of Liam taking up most of Mason’s time, and has actually hung out with Liam himself, if Mason wasn’t available. He also asked if I had thought about what we could do about the depressed state he has been in. I wasn’t sure if I should tell him about contacting Miss Morrell, but then I thought it might be a good idea to find out how Liam would react to me asking him to go to therapy. I guess Liam has already been to therapy once while his parents were separating and again after he was diagnosed with I.E.D. In the end, I blurted out how thankful I was for him and how happy it made me that he was already doing what he could. Most kids his age wouldn’t even think to be that considerate. He stammered out a thank you and ran to get his stuff ready to leave as well. I chuckled at his hasty exit. All that was left after that was to tell Brett how much I enjoyed last night and hoped he would join us again. He was extremely helpful with Liam and giving him tips on how to anchor himself. I invited him to come to the next Full Moon Sleepover and he agreed quite quickly. I wanted to ask about Satomi and if he had any news on her whereabouts. But I figured that could wait till he trusted me a little more. I didn’t want to make him feel like I was just keeping him around for information.

I hugged Mason and Liam good bye, shook Brett’s hand, and watched them get in the elevator. Derek came out to tell me he wanted to shower first then we could talk. Which is good, because I totally needed some time to write down some of the questions swirling in my head. I sat at the kitchen table and just wrote down what came to my mind. I set my phone to record our conversation. I’m just going to transcribe everything in here. I don’t want that kind of conversation to fall into the wrong hands, and let’s face it, I go through phones faster than Derek goes through shirts. I figure this way, I know exactly what information I’m looking for and this journal is going to be protected better than the Queen of England. So here it is:

  1.       **Honestly, how do you really think Liam is doing?** He is unhinged. Almost like he is feeling lost. He completely lost his Alpha, and the bond is stretched so far its barely there. Its making him restless that he doesn’t have that stable feeling anymore.
  2.       **What do you think of Mason?** He’s smart, intuitive. Packs need humans. He would be a good beta to have. Even the humans of a pack feel the bond in a way. Much lesser of a degree than a wolf, but its still there.
  3.       **Who is Brett’s Alpha since Satomi is MIA, why hasn’t he turned into an omega yet?** Right now, we are all just responding to your spark. It’s enough to make us feel slightly grounded. But Stiles, you need to do the ritual Deaton told you about soon. Like VERY soon. (I got the full eyebrows of doom look)
  4.       **Do you think that losing Scott made Liam touch starved, like him being abandoned by Scott is what brought on all of his PTSD symptoms?** Losing his Alpha bond was like ripping away a piece of his soul. He has a huge hole in his heart right now. So yes, he needs a lot of touch to keep his sanity. To show his wolf that he isn’t completely alone and doesn’t need to turn on his omega instincts. Scott almost killed Peter for threatening him. It made his wolf feel safe with the knowledge that Scott would die protecting him. Losing Scott made his wolf feel like he isn’t safe anymore. It’s hard to explain.
  5.       **Do you think that this ritual will let me be a permanent Alpha substitute?** We need to talk to Deaton about this. He said the ritual was simple. If it was only going to be a temporary thing, he would have said so by now. Stiles, we need you. I’m sorry to put all this on you, but we need to find out everything we can about what your spark can do.
  6.       **How much touch do werewolves need, like in general, even if Scott hadn’t left?** A LOT… Right now, we all want to touch each other all the time. It’s soothing and makes the wolf’s anxiety go away for a short time. After the ritual it won’t be as intense, but in general, yes we like touch.
  7.       **Have you spoken to Braeden?** _(My voice trembled a bit, I can totally admit that. I needed to know though. I wasn’t even asking because of my feelings for him, but I wanted to know about where they were. If they were safe, if they found anything. As fucking pissed as I am, I still love those morons.)_ _*Derek’s eyebrows rose in surprise. I don’t think he actually expected me to ask that*_ Do you really want me to answer that? _*I nodded my head yes, I didn’t trust my voice*_ -.-‘  ß his face…Last week she called me, they were in Southern California. We aren’t very close any more, but I guess she felt like I deserved to know what was going on? Our relationship wasn’t as…involved as it was in the beginning. But they are safe. No, she didn’t mention if they found anything or if they were coming back soon, or where they were heading. _*I let out a deep sigh at that point. I’m kinda glad that they aren’t close any more, but at the same time, it would have been nice to get updates every now and then. I indirectly put in a lot for this fucking mission and I’d like to know if the fruits of my labor were panning out. Fucking A. Moving on*_
  8.       **What do you think about us training with Noshiko and Kira?** If they would agree to it, I think its an excellent idea. Kira might be a better choice though. But all of us should be training in some sort of way. It might help Liam to know that he will be able to hold his own if he was attacked. Mason can learn to protect himself as well. You know how often humans can get hurt when they are involved in packs.
  9.       **What do you know about Kitsunes anyways?** Not very much. They don’t travel in packs but they do have family units though. And they can create foxfire, the result of it will be whatever element they are. You should talk to Noshiko about this though. She might have some type of books you can read.
  10. **Are knots a thing?** _*the eyebrows were doing so much judging at this!! Haha, I will always remember the look on his face when I asked. Seriously though, I needed to know this. I’ve read way to much werewolf porn to knot_ _ßhaha  ask.*_ Seriously Stiles!? -.-‘ in full shift form probably, but beastiality isn’t a kink for me so I was never much inclined to find out. You better have actual questions about important stuff. _*and then he did it, he folded his arms acrossed his chest and huffed. It was kinda the cutest thing ever. I did manage to keep my cool and not giggle. So glad I am writing this shit down. One day I am gonna read all this and laugh hysterically. I should’ve taken a picture.hehehe*_
  11. **Can everyone do a full shift, is it a control thing or is it a genetic thing?** I honestly don’t know. It has more to do with evolving than it does control? I don’t know how I know that but it’s true. In the few months before we ended up in Mexico I had come to accept and deal with a few things that had happened in my past. So maybe it is more like becoming a better person, or just moving forward with your life?
  12. **Do you think we should create a buddy system for Liam, so he is never alone for too long?** Yes, I overheard you talking to Mason about it. Don’t give me that look, you should know better than to have a conversation like that in a place with werewolves in the next room. Don’t worry, Brett kept him occupied enough that he didn’t hear it. But it might be a good idea. Especially on days that he doesn’t feel grounded.    **Me: What about full moon days? 24/7 buddy time?** Definitely. The day before and the day of are the worse. But he needs an anchor. SOON. We can’t always watch him.
  13. **Will Eichen House keep Peter for good, is there any chance at all that he could escape?** He will be kept there for good. I went to see him once to talk about the Desert Wolf. He was in a…weird state. Almost like a trance? He didn’t say anything, just mumbled to himself so low I couldn’t make it out. It could be the meds, it could be magic, or it could even be him being away from a pack for so long.  **Me: God, I hope they can keep him under control. We have enough to deal with and I really don’t wanna do this ritual and have him fuck with me like he did with Lydia.**  It wouldn’t work anyways. You are a spark, not a banshee.
  14. **Do you think the Calaveras are going to be an issue?** I don’t think so. They are still handling all the rogue hunters from the dead pool. Braeden got a few missions to go find some of them before they left. If they hear Scott is gone, they may come up to see who our Alpha is now. But I don’t think it will be an issue once they see you.
  15. **How well can you shoot a gun?** I hate even using them, but I’m decent with a handgun. Can you shoot? **Me: Pfft. My dad takes me to the shooting range at least once a week. I have like 500 wolfsbane bullets and like 200 Mountain Ash bullets. So does he for that matter.**
  16. **Do you know where Satomi has settled or have you communicated with her at all?** No, I have no idea where she is. But, Brett keeps acting like YOUR beta. I think he is waiting for you to complete the mother fucking ritual to ask to be in our pack! **Me: I know OKAY! I get it! Enough about the fucking ritual. I’m calling Deaton later. I’m just trying to ask you how you feel about Brett being in the pack?**   _*He just blinked. And then sat there. Like I just asked him how fast particles can travel in a space time continuum or some shit.*_ Does it matter? He needs an Alpha or he will end up an omega. **Me: Yeah, I get that. But you are one of the oldest members of the pack. You will have some seniority over them. Your happiness effects everyone, so yeah it does matter to me. Your feelings are important!** _*And at that point I blushed. Like beat red from my face all the way down to my chest. Why? Why? Why do I not have a fucking filter? Jesus. And then I noticed that Derek’s face was red to. Even the tips of his ears. Wow. He is even more beautiful like that.*_ Thank you. _*He unfolded his arms, put his elbows on the kitchen table and leaned towards me.*_ He’s loyal. He treats us all with respect, he’s very brave. I think he would be a good addition. He deserves to have a pack, family, and friends after losing so much. He knows to appreciate it now.   _*I gave him a small smile. I knew he was thinking about his family. Laura, Cora, and Peter were all that were left, and they all were taken from him as well. I cleared my throat in an attempt to move on to the next question. I figured he would appreciate it.*_
  17. **Can we keep the Hale pack symbol? I rather like the triskelion and what it represents.** He cleared his throat a couple times. Its up to you, you are going to be the Alpha. But I’d like that. It wouldn’t be a problem. **Me: I thought it would be a good way to honor your family. This was their land for many generations. It seems right to keep the triskelion as the pack symbol.** I think they would like that.
  18. **Soooo, how many floors are in this place?** Like 6 I think. *insert eyebrow raise*
  19. **Can we turn one of the floors into an apartment of some sort?** Can I ask why? **Me: Me, Lydia, and Kira are dealing with a ton of shit right now. Yeah, coming here is nice, but sometimes…we just wanna be alone for a little bit, or just not bothered. I think you can understand that better than most Sourwolf. It would just be nice to have a place to get away from everyone, even our parents sometimes. Just for a little bit. That way we wouldn’t always have to be here in your space. I was actually thinking of it like a den. A place to go to soak up happy pack vibes. A couple bedrooms for when people want to be alone, but also so we always have a “safe” place to go. Like no matter how bad things get, we can just come to the den… I’ve been reading a lot of werewolf novels, so I may be completely off base here. Its just an idea.**  I really like the idea of it. I wouldn’t mind doing that. But Stiles, you are always welcome here. I would never turn you away. _*and he gives me this look. Like this soft look, with the corners of his lips turned up. How can I not fall for this? How can he say this stuff and still be so calm about it? I had to quickly dial down my emotions before he could smell them or hear my heart rate speed up.*_ **Thank you. You may regret that though. You have no idea how many times I need to get the hell out of the house.** I guess we will see.
  20. **Alright so last question, do you think Deaton will continue to help us after he does this ritual?** I don’t know. He isn’t technically your emissary, and he is more about the balance between humans and the supernatural. We will just have to find out tonight.



At that point I stopped my phone recording. We stood up and stretched. And then I realized how late it was and basically had to dash out while shouting thank you. I may have also said something like I’m sorry you used up your weekly word quota. I guess we will be texting for a week.  All I heard back was an irritated STILES! As I was leaving. My dad was still on shift for a few more hours so I figured I’d get this done while I could. But now it looks like I’m gonna have to rush through all my chores and start supper. Fuck, I still gotta call Deaton and Miss Morrell. And Lydia and Kira. Fuck my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the thing, I really don't have this planned out. I'm kinda winging it for right now, but I did start working on a time line and a plot for this last night. The next chapter is basically already planned out, I just gotta sit down and write it. My writing process is kinda insane. I'm writing it on paper and then typing it all up. So yeah, but its actually going really well. I'm also going to try to keep my chapters a decent length. I know it sucks when I get a notice that someone updated a fic and its not that long.


	4. Taking Back Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry that I obviously suck. After next week updates will be quicker. Sitting at my desk is actually pretty painful. So I ordered a bluetooth keyboard for my tablet. So here is Chapter 4. I hope you guys enjoy it. Also the new blood magic tag is not actually in this chapter. But I guess its more like a forewarning that it will be coming in a few chapters. But its really not that bad in my opinion. IDK I will talk more about it when it comes up.

As soon as I got home I looked in the freezer to figure out what I could make for supper tonight. After digging around, finding contraband ice cream, I found a roast. And lo and behold we also have potatoes and carrots. Hell yes, I just threw it all in the crockpot, set it on low and presto. I don’t even have to worry about it for the rest of the night. Now, I just have to focus on my list of people to call. Considering it was almost 4pm on a Friday I figured Miss Morrell would be first. She seemed pleasantly unsurprised to hear from me. I’m just gonna guess she had heard what happened and knew that I eventually was going to need to talk to someone. Of freaking course the first thing she asked was if I had completed the ritual yet. Even though she couldn’t see it, I rolled my eyes. Jesus people. Enough about the god damn ritual already. Sorry I needed a moment to think about altering my personality completely by doing some fucked up ritual. DAMN. I cooled my temper though and nicely told her that I was going to call Deaton to see if we could set up a meeting for later tonight. She hummed in agreement. I need to know exactly what going to happen and talk it over with Lydia. Even though I will be the Alpha, it would be stupid of me to not include her. I’m her best friend, she deserves to know what going to happen. Morrell actually agreed with me. So yay Stiles, for making at least one good choice. After saying all that about Lydia, it dawned on me that Derek should probably be included tonight as well. I will be his Alpha. Morrell agreed again, she said I seem to be in touch with reality and she was glad that I was not rushing into such a major decision without thinking about it first. So now I have an appointment on Monday at 11am. And I should plan to be there for a couple hours. “We have many issues to discuss.” Great lady, that’s exactly what I need to hear right now. She is also planning on getting in touch with Deaton to understand this ritual and how it is going to affect me as well as the pack. So at least she is being a good shrink? After saying goodbye I crossed her name off my list. Honestly, it took me a few minutes to get the courage to call Deaton. I have so many mixed emotions about the man but I stomped them down, because right now is not the time to dwell on them. I need him and maybe he will actually give me some real information considering how much is at stake right now.

He actually seemed relieved to hear from me I think. I may have been a little blunt with him though. I asked (well more like demanded) that we set up a meeting tonight after his office closed to go over the “procedure”. He sounded excited? Maybe, I don’t know it’s hard to tell with him. I then informed him that Lydia and Derek will also be coming with me. He actually said, “Very good, we will need them.” Whatever that is supposed to mean. So at 9 pm I will be finding out how dramatically my life will be changing.

Feeling extremely worn down from all the excitement today, I checked my text messages. A couple from my dad explaining that he wouldn’t be home till much later. Another one saying nothing happened he just traded a shift with another guy so he could get the rest of the weekend off. And the last one stating that he was eating a salad and therefore deserved real bacon for breakfast tomorrow. Pfft. Nice try old man. After picking up my stuff, I headed upstairs to change and take a nap. It was only 5, I figured I could nap for a few hours after I call Lydia and Derek. Lydia, of course, asked a million questions about last night and how it went. Then proclaimed, she was not going to miss finding out the ritual at Deaton’s and fully expected to be involved in every part of this process. Of course, my Queen. I honestly didn’t expect any less from her. We agreed to meet at Deaton’s at 8:45 so we could decide what needed to be discussed with him and how far I was willing to go. And now the hard part, Derek. I know he is going to say yes, I just don’t know whether to call or text. Fuck it, I’m tired so text it is. And of course he will be there early as well. Awesome *sarcasm* Yeah, I need to sleep. Me being this cranky will only make tonight go so much worse.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

After a very amazing 2 hour power nap, hot food, and a shower I was feeling way better about today. After 2 weeks of feeling so very lost, I feel like I’m on the right path, like life suddenly kinda makes sense again. So just to complete my day, Roscoe wouldn’t start. Yeah, life is back on track alright. So I had to text Derek and ask him to pick me up, since I’m kinda on his way. I didn’t even consider asking Lydia, she would have said the same thing and I would have ended up asking Derek and riding with him anyways.

            So of course I’m sitting on the porch, and the notebook comes out. I refuse to call this thing a diary or a journal. Diaries are for 10 year old girls and journals are just the male version of a diary. So yeah, notebook it is. I gotta say Lydia may have been on to something here when she made this suggestion. I kinda feel calmer, or at least at ease with the situation more so now than the past 2 weeks. That might be because I’m taking care of shit or it could be this thing. Or fuck, it could be because I can still feel the warmth of Derek’s body along my back and the way he said that I wouldn’t mess this up. Either way, it’s helping. However what isn’t going to help is me and Derek in a car, by ourselves, in very close proximity. Fucking A, how am I supposed to deal with this? It would just be so much easier if I didn’t have to deal with how perfectly supportive he has been. Ugh, not gonna think about Derek right now. I have too much other shit to think about. Text sent to Liam checking in? Done. Text sent to Kira inviting her over for lunch tomorrow? Done. Text sent to my dad telling him I’m going to Deaton’s to talk about a ritual that will turn me into a human alpha werewolf? Mmm, no. I think I’ll just let him know I’m hanging out with Lydia and Derek. I can tell him all about the “procedure” when he gets home. Seems like a much better idea, and when he inevitably freaks out I don’t have to worry about muggles overhearing us.

            You know, now that I’m thinking about it, I can’t believe that I haven’t looked into Kitsunes till now. Like Scott and Malia really did keep me super busy finding information on the Desert Wolf. Actually there’s a lot that I’ve missed in the past year. If it wasn’t Lacrosse, Malia, my dad’s health, or work I didn’t have any time for it. Or Derek. I paid attention to Derek. But I should’ve known by now that Mason and Brett were together. Officially or not. I should definitely know what Parrish is. Fuck, I don’t even know if he is pack. How the fuck am I even going to ask? I totally would have bothered Noshiko by now begging for information. I have no idea where Chris Argent is right now, or if he ever found Kate. Fuck, I’m gonna cry, I’ve been the worse friend lately. And Derek is coming down my street. Even better.

            So, I’m sitting at Deaton’s. Lydia, Derek, and Deaton are all arguing and stopped including me in the conversation 5 minutes ago. So I figured I would pull up a chair to an exam table and get started writing about this clusterfuck.  So when Derek picked me up, I jumped in, said, “Hey, thanks for picking me up!” and immediately started looking at my texts. I was holding it together pretty good for about 30 seconds, but 4 worried looks from Derek later, he finally asked, “What’s wrong?” I gave him an incredulous look, “Where do I even start?!” So I did, beginning with, “How much did I miss in the past year?” and all I got was a confused look in return. “No seriously, how much did I miss? When did Brett and Mason become a thing? When was my dad’s last doctor’s appointment? Did we find out what Parrish is? Is he pack? Is he dating Lydia? Where is Mr. Argent and did he find Miss Psycho yet? How much of Satomi’s pack is still around? Is Isaac still in France? How much has Kira developed her powers? Are there….” And that’s when Derek covered my mouth with his hand. “Breathe. Just breathe for a few minutes. Calm down and breathe.” And somehow I did. Derek whipped into Deaton’s parking lot, looked around for Lydia, and turned to me when he realized she wasn’t there. He took a deep breathe before calmly saying, “Now, why are you suddenly freaking out over all this?”

            I gave a deep sigh before replying, “Because I’ve been so concerned with the Desert Wolf for Scott and Malia, I forgot that I had a life outside of them.”

“Oh Stiles.” Derek huffed. He grabbed my hand gave it a slight squeeze. “Scott made everyone focus on some type of project this past year.”  And that was most certainly news to me. I finally squeaked, “What?”  He gave me a small smile and spoke softly, “After the dead pool was over, he made all of us grieve and gave us each our own little project. For the past year all of us have been solely focused on our specific project that we were in charge of. I’ve been working on a Hale pack history, trying to find out as much as I can about the full shift. Lydia has been putting together a bestiary with only valid information and legends that might have some merit to them. Kira has been training in Martial Arts and writing down everything she learns about Kitsunes. I’m not sure what all Liam, Mason, Brett, and Jordan have been doing. Don’t be upset that you haven’t noticed much else. I think this was Scott’s way of keeping everyone one busy so no one asked what he was doing in his spare time.”

            After I let everything sink in, the only thing I could get out was, “oh.” How fucking elegant right? Usually I can’t shut up but at that moment all that came out was, “oh”. Derek squeezed my hand again to get my attention, “Listen, we have a shit storm that we need to deal with right now. After we get everything sorted here, I will come over and answer any more questions that you might have. Okay?” I nodded my head yes. “Good, now there are tissues in the glove box. Try and clean up because Lydia is a block away and I did not fight like hell the past 4 years, just to die because Lydia Ashley Martin thought I made her best friend cry.” And I had to giggle at that, who would have thought that a big bad Sourwolf like Derek Hale would be afraid of Lydia. “Glad I’m not the only one she terrifies. I almost feel bad for Deaton depending on what he has to say.”

            Lydia pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of her car in 5in stilettos like a professional model. Derek opened his door and got out with all the grace of a natural predator, and I, well I managed to get myself upright before braining myself on the door. Derek leaned against the car, pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. Lydia just rolled her eyes and gave me a hug. When she pulled back she took a quick look at my face before screeching, “Hale! What the hell did you do to him?!” she jabbed him in his chest with her finger with every word. Derek gave me the “Explain NOW” look with his eyebrows. I managed to tell Lydia that he had calmed me down, not upset me in between my giggles. She gave me a look over to see if I was lying. She must have believed me, because all she said was, “If you say so.” And smoothed down Derek’s shirt where she had made finger impressions. If it had been any other female doing this, she would have gotten her hand slapped away. But Derek and I both knew this was her way of apologizing and really just fixing his shirt. Not her trying to feel up his beautifully hard, wash board abs.

            After Lydia was satisfied that his shirt was acceptable she turned to me, “Now, I’m assuming that you have quite the list of questions for Deaton yourself, so I’m going to let you do your talking first. But I reserve the right to ask any questions that might come up if you don’t ask them first.” I nodded my in acceptance before she could go on. “Obviously, we are going in as a united front, but first I just to know how much you really trust this guy?” I sighed and thought about it for a moment. “I guess it just depends on how truthfully and fully he answers our questions. Derek, I’m going to need you to either call him out on his bullshit if he lies or let me know when he is lying so I can do it. We just go from there. Don’t hesitate to jump in if you think of a question that I didn’t ask. My mind is going a 100 different directions right now and a double dose of Adderall isn’t helping.” Lydia just tsked at me and looped her arm in mine. Derek put his hand on the small of my back and all together we headed into the vet’s office.

            My first instinct after seeing the empty room was to yell, “Yo Scott!” and then I remembered that Scott isn’t here anymore. Thankfully Derek seemed to know (More like smell the sadness) that I was going through in my head and yelled for Dr. Deaton for me. I gave him a grateful look and received a small smile (and managed not to squeal like a girl when he did). I had turned around to ask Lydia a question…and yep she is judging us. So judging us. It’s not hard to silently communicate “Thanks” and “You’re Welcome”!! 90% of Derek’s conversations are silent anyways. Well, I guess not so much recently. Actually Sourwolf and turned into a bit of a Sweetwolf?....Sugarwolf? Tastywolf? Anyways back on track.

            Deaton came out to greet us and took us back to his office. He sat us all down and began with the fucking small talk. Seriously they sat there and did pleasantries and I just couldn’t take it anymore. “Did you help Scott pull this bullshit stunt?!” I blurted it right out. No couth, no class, just straight up. Deaton looked…surprised? Like Deer-in-headlights startled actually. Derek gave out a small sigh beside me and Lydia just leaned forward like she was finally interested in this conversation all of a sudden. The aloof attitude gone. Deaton just frowned and said, “No Stiles, I swear I didn’t know anything about this. I suspect Scott knew I would be completely against the idea of him leaving.” I was trying to watch Derek from the corner of my eye. To anyone else it looked like he was nodding his head from listening to Deaton, but I knew it was his way of saying that Deaton was telling the truth. So maybe he isn’t a completely terrible person. I asked him, “Then how did you know about the ritual? Why did you call me the day after Scott left to tell that you had a procedure that would make me the Alpha?”

          Deaton leaned forward onto his desk to rest his elbows. He sat quiet for a moment and started out with an even voice, “A week or two before Christmas, Scott asked me if there was a way to make someone an Alpha. Not by killing one or becoming a True Alpha like him though. Of course I asked why he would want to know such a thing. Usually you want to keep people from becoming Alphas, not make someone into one.” Deaton shrugged and continued, “He actually gave me a few good reasons. A back up plan for the pack if something happened, but also because if Liam or Brett went to school hours away like you wanted to, it would be better for them to have an Alpha they trusted nearby. He also said that once Satomi settled into her new territory, he’d like to be able to go see her from time to time and get Alpha lessons or if she ever needed his help. 

It actually seemed like a good idea and worth looking into.”

                                                                                                     

            Lydia leaned forward, her face tense, trying to keep her voice even, “And you never thought about the potential negative situations that Scott would use this information for?! It never crossed your mind that this would be quite the burden for someone else to bear?!”   Deaton’s face softened and he calmly said, “Ms. Martin, 5 weeks ago, if someone told you that Scott McCall, True Alpha, was going to abandon his pack to go looking for someone he knows nothing about, what would you have said?” And Lydia was silent. She certainly looked like she was about to make a scathing retort but…nothing came from her. So I spoke up, “I would have punched them in the face and told them there was no force on this earth that would make Scott leave us like that.” I said it so softly, I didn’t know if anyone actually heard me, but Lydia and Derek both nodded in agreement. With that said, we lapsed into a solemn silence, lost in our own thoughts. Deaton let out a slow sigh, “If it would have been anyone else that asked, I would have never looked into it. But I did. And it was like he already knew about it, because the only person that could take on an Alpha’s powers was a Spark. And it couldn’t be just any Alpha’s powers, it had to be a True Alpha. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the way the ritual is set up, I don’t think he would have left. But it all seemed to work out perfectly.”

            Derek leaned forward and put his hands on the desk and said, “Yeah, it did…for him. But how dangerous is this? You’ve said before there hasn’t been a True Alpha in 100 years. How do we know for sure this is going to work? How do we know this won’t hurt Stiles or traumatize him even more?!”  I realized what Derek was saying and said, “I’m with Derek on this. Before you even tell me how to do the ritual I wanna know everything else. The pros, the cons, the risks, all of it.”  Deaton said, “Well Stiles, you will gain the authority of an Alpha. You will be able to flash your eyes, you will be able to make a beta shift, shift back, obey an order, and help them control the wolf if they lose control themselves. However, that is all you will get from this ritual. You aren’t so much as taking his Alpha power as he is sharing it with you. There will be no other sense enhancements such as strength, smell, sight, or healing…well that of a werewolf anyways.” I took a moment to process this and finally said, “Okay, so I’m gonna get a superpower but not all the superpowers. So I’m basically Iron Man. I’m human, but I got a super cool suit to help me out with this shit.” Derek fidgeted and said, “Hold on, you said that of a werewolf. Are you saying that he will have some…superpowers? Like what?” And then Lydia giggled and said, “Oh god, that’s just what we need, Klutzilla with super strength!” Deaton cleared his throat, “If I may finish? Before the nogitsune possessed you, your spark was only able to do small “magic” and I use that term very loosely. After the nogitsune, your spark was greatly diminished, but over time it has healed. After you accept the Alpha power, your spark will grow exponentially. You will be able to do much more and will have to learn to control it. Even after you are done being the Alpha and break the bond, your spark will have much more power. Because your spark will be growing to accommodate the Alpha powers you will need an anchor. Unlike wolves, your anchor needs to be a person you see frequently and can handle the extra surge of energy. You won’t automatically be able to control all the extra power in your body, so your anchor will get a surge of energy so to speak through the bond. Its like the overflow, of what your body hasn’t used or can’t use yet.”  This actually made me uncomfortable and I said, “When you say a person, does this have to be a human or supernatural? Could this be dangerous for them? And what kind of “bond” are we talking about here?” Deaton replied, “Your anchor definitely has to be supernatural. And it will be like a pack bond, only a deeper connection. And it will not be dangerous, in fact it will benefit them greatly.” Derek’s eyebrow were as high as they could go, Lydia had a very skeptical look on her face, and I just couldn’t imagine it being beneficial. So I asked, “Can you give me an example? Cause I didn’t realize I was gonna have to bring someone else into this and the idea of that is not sitting well with me.”

            Deaton thought about it for a moment before replying, “If you were to choose Lydia as your anchor, she would be able to tap into her banshee powers much easier. The voices would be louder and clearer. Or if you were to choose Derek or another wolf, their senses would increase even more. Stronger, faster, more agile, more in tune with their wolf. Not less control of the wolf, but more in tune with what their wolf feels and why.” 

            And that’s when the “discussion” started, for the past 20 minutes they have been debating wolf vs. banshee. Actually it’s kinda quiet and Lydia is rolling a vial of….blood, yes that is blood around her hand. I kinda watched her for a minute and then she snapped at me to keep writing. Okay then, I guess, my choices are Lydia, Kira, and Derek. ……She set the vial down, do I stop writing? Probably not. So yeah, I can boost Lydia’s schizophrenia, amp up Kira’s wattage, or just make Derek invincible?  And then Lydia spoke up, “It will work.” I blinked and asked, “What will work?” She looked at me like I should know the answer to that. “The ritual, it will work. And Derek should be your anchor.” I stared at her and realized I should probably listen to what she says. She hasn’t been wrong yet. I looked at Derek and asked him, “Are you okay with this? Being my anchor? I won’t be upset if you don’t want to do it.”  He just looked at me with his eyebrow furrowed and huffed, “Of course I’m okay with it. Whatever you need from me. I’m here.” And all I could think of to say was “Thank you” because this is some fucked up shit.

Deaton stood up and spoke to all of us, “Well, It has been a rather long night. Why don’t you and Derek come back tomorrow at 6? And Lydia you should come over around 7:30 maybe? I need to discuss the bond with Derek and Stiles and it will be rather….personal.” We all just looked at him in silence. I stood up, put my notebook in my bag and said, “We will see you tomorrow then. Is there anything else I should know or think about for the night?” Deaton hummed, and said, “Yes actually. Because you are a spark, and not a real wolf, you won’t have the drive to create a pack. So you need to come up with a pledge to say to the betas. Your Spark will respond to the betas willingly joining your pack and create a pack bond.”  I was slightly confused, so I asked, “What kind of pledge?” He said, “For example it could be something like…I, Stiles Stilinski, offer you, a place in my pack. With this pledge comes my protection. Do you accept?  Obviously you can say whatever you want, but it needs to be in that form. That way when the beta responds, I accept, the spark will recognize their consent. This whole ritual has to be consensual. If you have any doubts I suggest you deal with them tonight. Because if your Spark feels like you don’t want this, it will not work.” I nodded my head in understanding and said, “I get what you are saying, but Lydia just said that this ritual will work. I’m not gonna start doubting her now. So yeah, I want to do this.” He nodded his head and led us out to the front door. He opened the door and said to us that he looks forward to seeing us tomorrow, then closed the door and locked it. And that was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think so far. I have alot of chapter 5 done, it just needs typed up. I will be going thru and doing some edits but I won't really be changing anything. Just exchanging a word here and there and also posting the date of when the chapter is taking place. So far we are still on a Friday. Ugh, this weekend has been insane. Poor Stiles.


	5. Dealing with the Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm so very very sorry. This is mostly dialoge, that was covered in the last chapter but it was still necessary. I have been having issues with my tablet and internet lately. I'm hoping that it is resolved now. I'm not going to make any promises about when the next chapter will be out but I really truly hoping soon.

So, weird shit last night right? And it just keeps getting weirder! And Derek, oh god, fucking Derek. How do I even explain Derek right now? He went from this closed off, scowly Sourwolf with eyebrows that can convey judgement from across town (trust me I know, I have the snapchats to prove it) And now, he is like, so...open?  

Right, okay so last night after we got over the ridiculousness that was Deaton and him basically throwing us out of the office last night. I was standing there and thinking about how Lydia said the ritual would work and and that I had to use Derek as my anchor, which is going to be weird as fuck. So I'm freaking out a little and he just hugs me...from behind. Like full on bear hug. And says, "Stop freaking out. I have experience with anchors and a little bit with magic. I'm going to be fine." And that was the end of said freak out. Physically however, I was still a stick until I realized Ishould hug him back. And god it felt good! I pulled myself together and let go of him while taking a step back. "Thank you." cuz really what else could I say. 

When we got to Lydia's car, Derek just said that he would meet me in the car. I watched him climb into the toyota and turned on some music. I knew he could probably still hear us, but it was nice that he was giving us the illusion of privacy. 

I turned to Lydia, suddenly unsure of how to even articulate what was going through my mind. Even my mouth filter knew that this was a sensitive time. "So um,"

"Just spit it out Stilinski!" She looked highly annoyed

"What happened back there?"

And she just looked so vulnerable. It felt so wrong to see Lydia Martin looking unsure of herself. After was seemed like hours she finally spoke up. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Deaton took out that vial of Scott's blood and it just called to me. I ignored it, but once I heard you writing I heard the voice. A soft female voice. She told me to pick up the vial, and when I started twirling it, her voice got louder."

"Well, what was she saying?"

And she paused. Like she was actually debating on whether to tell me. Thank god she started speaking because I almost had a minor freak out about the fact that she was gonna hold out on information when it was my life we were about to change. Drastically I might add! 

"She said, It's going to be okay Ariel. The boys will find thier way. The fog will lift soon and it will be the strongest bond we've seen yet. The Spark  will be the best leader and the Wolf is the perfect anchor. And she just kept saying its going to be okay Ariel, the will be fine."

I just blinked at her, kinda hard to process all that because the only that stood out was, "Ariel? As in..." And I just looked at her, because I really didn't want to say it out loud. 

She just arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow at me. "My grandmother Stiles. Thats who the voiice was."

I was thinking about everything she said, but i've heard voices to, so I just kinda had to ask, "Do you trust the voice?"

 Lydia just sniffed at me, "They haven't lied to me yet. Or led us astray." I think she actually might have been offended now that I think about it...

"Well alright, I guess its better to just go along with the voices, god I am never gonna get used to saying shit like that."

"Try being the messenger some time, it really helps your sanity."

I just laughed at her and smiled. It was nice seeing her sassy. "Well,  I would like for you ot come over for lunch tomorrow. Kira will be there and I'm going to ask Derek to come as well. I think we need all the senior members of the pack together to talk about this. I mean, you are joining the pack...right?" Because it had just dawned on me that she might not want to. I mean, really she was only apart of Scotts because it was best to stick together but thankfully she didn't keep me hanging. Cause next thing Iknow I'm getting hit over the back of my head. 

"Of course I'm joining! Honestly Stiles, did you really think I was going to let you lead a pack like this by yourself?! Moron."

I smiled at her, trying to convey all the gratitude I possibly could.Because as much as everyone seems to believe in me..There are still so many doubts flowing thing through my mind and honestly I'm not sure I could do this with out her. 

I sighed,"Thank you Lydia. You are still the amazing strawberry goddess you've always been. I will see you tomorrow at 2 then? I promise pizza and cheesy bread sticks."

She gave me a bright smile and said, "I will be there." I gave her a tight hug and she managed to hug me back harder. I sometimes forget everyone else lost Scott to. I watched her get in her car before heading over to get into the passenger seat of Dereks Toyota. He gave me a small smile and with that we drove off. It took about 2 minutes of knee juggling before Derek firmly put his down on my thigh. And then he just left it there. Which was nice. Nice, and warm and large and he has beautiufl fingers. Not as long as mine but thicker. And of course I just sat there and looked at his hand. Like how do I even not say anything about it. So I just kept my mouth shut because I knew nothing that came out of it was going to be anything less than something like. Please fuck me. Or finger me til I scream, or can you just rub your beard all over my body. Jesus H. 

.  I quickly had to think of anything else but Derek. Finstock, Greenberg, flowers, unicorns, Lord Voldemort, Dobby Dying. I’m hoping that he didn’t smell anything. The windows were down and he didn’t say anything so I might possibly still have some dignity left.

Surprisingly, Derek is the one who broke the silence first, “So pizza and cheesy bread sticks?” I gave him a very judgmental look. I figured he could hear our conversations but it’s still nice to have that illusion of privacy. He answered my look with,” I only listened in at the end when you were getting upset. All I heard was you asking her to join the pack and about lunch tomorrow. I swear.” I let out a deep sigh and thought about everything Lydia had just said. Really, Derek deserved to know, it did involve him. So I just told him. Word for word what she said. He looked pretty skeptical when I mentioned that he was supposed to be the perfect anchor, but he knew I wasn’t lying either. We pulled up to the house just as I got done talking. “Fuck.” My dad’s cruiser is in the driveway. I looked at Derek and gave him the most pathetic face I could muster, “So, you wanna come in and tell my dad about this ritual we are gonna do cuz ya know, you are my anchor and all. So my pain is your pain. . . Please?” It wasn’t supposed to sound as desperate as it did and honestly I figured he would say Fuck No and peel out of the driveway. Instead he took his hand off my knee (and I immediately missed that reassuring warmth). But then he grabbed my hands that I was currently wringing and said, “I can do that. I need to talk to him anyways.” He smirked at the shocked look on my face and got out. It took me a moment to get out of my stunned state. I just shook my head. I should get used to the weirdness that is my about to become my daily life.

I walked into the house, slid my shoes off, and went to find my father. “Hey Daddio, how was your shift? Are you hungry? I can whip something up for you real quick.” His father gave him a knowing look. “No, I’m good for right now. So why don’t you just talk to me about whatever is going on now?”  I looked at Derek and saw the tenseness in his face. He can be totally readable sometimes. “Damn it Derek, control the brows!”

So yeah, we sat in the living room. I put my dad in the middle of the couch with a small glass of whiskey and took a quick swig for myself. Liquid courage and all that. Totally ignored Derek’s judging face. Seriously though, this is some heavy shit I was about to lay down on my dad. Of course I need some help getting through it. I moved the chairs so that I and Derek were both facing my dad.

Before I could even start to speak, Derek spoke up first. “Sir, I completed the training packet you gave me. I turned in my application. They said since I love so close to the training grounds, and Beacon Hills Sheriff’s Department needs officers, that I can just drive to the physical test and do my internship with you. My jaw dropped while I just stared at his stupidly gorgeous face. Because why the hell didn’t I know about this? And apparently I said that part out loud because Derek looked at me and pushed my jaw back up into place. “I didn’t want to say anything till I knew it was a for sure thing. I just got the call a little bit before I came to pick you up. There really wasn’t time to tell you, with everything else going on.” And what did I say to this? “Oh Okay.” Because I was picturing Derek in a uniform and trying to use words was not happening.

My dad cleared his throat which made our attention snap to him. “Good job Derek! Having you on the force will be great. Between you and Parrish, I won’t be losing nearly as many deputies anymore.” We all went silent at that. After a few moments, my dad spoke up, “So what happened tonight that Derek couldn’t tell you about this till now? And you better not gave done anything illegal or expensive.”

Derek and I shared a quick look. It’s my story and I gotta tell it I guess. I took a deep breath and said, “Well dad, this is the story. Please save all questions till the end.” He interrupted me with a hand held up, “Just wait a minute,” and he jogged upstairs. I looked at Derek and he seemed to be listening. You can totally tell sometimes. It’s really just like a dog. Head tilted, ear cocked, eyes slightly unfocused. “He’s looking for something and changing his clothes.” And again I said “Oh” WTF is up with that. Why is it that every time I’m around Derek it seems like all words leave my brain and the only thing I can respond with is, “Oh?”

Anyways, a few minutes later Dad came down the stairs with a yellow legal pad, wearing a white tee-shirt and sweat pants. Great, its gonna be a half bottle of whiskey kind of night.  We both know it. He sat down on the couch and gave me a look to get started. I ran my hands over my face, letting out a deep, tired sigh. Derek put his hand on my shoulder and gave me an encouraging squeeze. And god, it was nice to know that I wasn’t alone in this. “Alright where to start… um here it is…Like 6 months ago Scott asked Deaton if there was a way to make someone an Alpha. Not by killing one, or becoming a True Alpha like him though. He gave Deaton a really nice story to go along with his request. Deaton looked into it and what do ya know, there is a ritual. Well procedure more like.” Dad opened his mouth and then closed it like he thought better of speaking. I waited a moment to see if he was going to say anything. All I got was silence, so I continued, “Alright so basically because this is Scott, it was the most perfect ritual for him. True Alpha’s can share their power with a Spark. The Spark would be able to flash red eyes, make a beta shift, shift back, stop a shift, follow a command, and lead a real pack. But the Spark wouldn’t actually be a wolf. So no enhanced hearing, strength, vision, nada. They would only have enough Alpha power to lead a pack and no one would turn into an omega. It’s not permanent. You can cut the power off at any time. But…” And at this point he got up to get more whiskey. I couldn’t even blame the man. He came back and it was just written all over his face that he didn’t like this at all. I gave Derek a questioning look, hoping he could maybe tell me what my dad was feeling. He held the eye contact for just a moment. He turned to my dad and softly said, “It’s really not as bad as it sounds. Scary, but there are a lot of good things coming out of this, and honestly sir, we have been in worse situations than this.” My dad nodded along at Derek, and maybe gave a sigh of relief? He finally looked at me and said, “So you are telling me that Scott can share his power with a Spark? And this is going to save the pack from becoming Omegas, which is bad?” We both nodded along. “Alright, well tell me the rest because I know this can’t be everything.”

I took a deep breath, “Yeah, okay, so me, Derek, and Lydia went to Deaton to find out how it would work. The positives that comes from this is kinda cool. So a regular spark only has like a pea size of power. Once the ritual is completed the spark will grow to accommodate the Alpha power, which means a lot bigger magic than making a mountain ash circle. Because the spark will grow so fast it will need an anchor. Kinda like the wolves, only it has to be a living person with supernatural powers.” Dad interrupted at that point and said, “Stiles, you are obviously the spark in this situation. Otherwise you wouldn’t be sitting here freaking out about telling me. So quit talking in a detached way, like its gonna be some random person. Just tell me what’s going to happen to you.”

“Yeah I was gonna tell you, but I wanted you to get all the information first and out of the way. So yeah, I would be the Alpha of this pack. I would share Scott’s power and Lydia’s banshee powers said that Derek would be my anchor.”

“And why do you need an anchor? What is his role in all this?”

“Okay so the anchor will keep me grounded. Like since the spark is going to grow so fast it is going to need an outlet. So the anchor will basically take in the overflow until the Spark is settled. The anchor will get stronger is what way their supernatural power is. So while we were at Deaton’s, Derek and Lydia discussed who would be best and kinda forgot to include me. (Derek interjected with a huff, “We did not. You were writing.”) So anyways Deaton takes out this vial of blood. The banshee powers came forth and said the ritual would work and the wolf is the perfect anchor. We will build a connection. It will basically be like a pack bond only deeper than that.”

Dad scratched the back of his neck, looked at both of us, and said, “And Derek would be the wolf in question here. Like he is going to be your anchor?” And then he laughs. Likes seriously laughs. Like we are at a comedy show or some shit. “Well if anyone could keep you grounded, I guess Derek is your best shot. So in what way will this help him?”

Derek finally spoke up at this point, “I’ll be stronger, more in tune with my wolf side. Shifting will be easier, and more controlled. All my senses and healing will be given a boost. I’d just have to spend more time with Stiles so we can practice controlling the overflow as he called it.” Dad nodded along. He sat for a few moments to let everything sink it. I can tell just by looking at his face that he is considering this situation from every angle he can. Finally he says, “Well then, that will work out pretty well since Stiles is handling the front desk at the station from now on.”

I perked up at that, because this is news to me, “Wait what?!”  

“You heard me son, you are not going to sit around all summer long. You are obviously wasting your talents flipping burgers and making minimum wage. So you will be helping out at the station from now on.”   I rolled the idea around in my head. Honestly it seems like a pretty awesome set up. Better wages, doing stuff that I actually like, and I can monitor my dad’s diet even better than before. “Okay, but we are going to have to kinda work with the full moon nights and the therapy sessions.” Derek gave me a surprised look and asked, “You have them lined up already?” I answered, “Yep, my first solo session is on Monday. Then I am taking Liam on Wednesday for a joint session and we will go from there.”

Dad yawned and stretched out his arms, “So when is this happening?”

I looked at Derek for some type of sign that he is still on with this plan. He nodded at me and said to dad, “Tonight at 7:30pm at Deaton’s office.”

“Okay, well its late. Get some sleep and we can talk more about this tomorrow before I go in for my shift.” I got up to hug him and told him good night. He gave me and extra hard squeeze and told me he loved me in a soft voice. He looked at Derek and said, “Good night. Get some rest. You are going to need it tomorrow son.” And walked up stairs to his room. I looked at Derek and I knew that he got caught off guard when my dad called him son. I just said, “Sleepover?” and he nodded, like he was still in a daze. I turned out all the lights, while Derek made sure all the doors and windows were locked. We headed up stairs, straight to the bathroom to brush our teeth. I stripped down to my boxers and a white tee-shirt, while Derek just took off everything but his black Under Armour briefs, standing around in all his muscled glory. If I hadn’t been so tired last night I probably would have been nervous about getting into bed with him while awake… but honestly it felt so natural. I slid in and tried to stay on one side of the bed and turned to face the wall. He slid in and just big spooned me like we do it every night or something. I managed to get out a “Good night D.” before falling asleep to a happy rumbling sound.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos? It really helps me out when I'm writing! <3


	6. Becoming an alpha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so bloody sorry for how long this has taken. My life kinda went up in flames for the past 6 months or so. I have been writing when I can, its the typing and editing part that is so time consuming. I have alot more of chapter 6 written but it was so long I thought I would split it up so you guys can have another update soon. I'm a shitty person, I hate when authors do this, even though I totally understand the struggle of writing. 
> 
> About this chapter: there is blood in this chapter. However it is extremely brief and there is no kink involved at all. If that isn't your thing I do have it marked off. You can just skip the few sentences that involve the blood. A couple paragraphs before that scene have Deaton explaining what exactly is going to happen. So yeah you will have warning. 
> 
> There's a small panic attack as well. But its not written very well bc I've never really had one before. 
> 
> I don't think there is anything else to really mention. I think I have alot of things tagged, but let me know regardless. This is un-beta'd so if there are mistakes feel free to point them out. I'm pretty anal but ya never know, I may have missed a few things. So anyways, I hope you enjoy this.

Waking up for the second day in a row as Derek’s little spoon, was just as awesome as it was yesterday. And I wanted to just lay there, feeling giddy on the inside, basking in his warmth, all day long. Unfortunately, I had to pee. Like really freaking bad. So after gently prying myself out of his grasp (literally prying, he did not want to let go) I tripped over my computer cord trying to run to the bathroom. Ran downstairs and got some coffee, then came back up to sit in bed. Luckily for me, I sat against the headboard, so when Derek threw himself across my lap, I had the perfect setup to write for a bit. It's just after 10am. In 9 hours I will be doing not just 1 but 2 rituals to bind myself to two different werewolves, for way too many different reasons. Rituals that haven’t been done in 100 years I might add. That I know next to nothing about. Ugh, I can’t think about that right now. First I need to get through talking to Kira. Well, no, actually the first thing I need to get done is talking to Derek about Parrish. It still blows my mind that I missed so much in the past year, yet didn’t? How did I not realize that my life had been taken over, by this mission to find the Desert Wolf?

Derek had begun waking up so, I put my journal under my pillow and raked my fingers through his hair. I got a grumpy, “Good morning.” For my efforts. Not that I had expected more. Really I had been up for like 45 minutes so my mouth was ready to start going. Especially because today was absolutely going to be stressful as fuck. “Derek, what is Parrish?” he groaned. He sat up, gave me the death glare, and took my coffee. Then left. Like only to the bathroom but still. Left. He came back, handed me the empty cup, then snuggled back under the blankets. I was about to ask again when I heard, “A phoenix.” 

“Really? A phoenix? I will admit that was not on my list. Huh. What can he do? Do we actually know anything about them? Do they really die and…Well yes, I guess they do. Huh.”

“That isn’t exactly what happened. It's complicated. When they are reborn, they lose all memories of their past. But, Haigh setting him on fire wasn’t about him being reborn. So the phoenix part of him didn’t accept it. He lived through it and kept his memories.”

“Well, that’s different. I mean it goes along with what mythology I do know.”

“It's gonna be a problem though. He said he lost a huge chunk of his memories right before he went to Iraq. Something happened that he chose to erase his memories during this life cycle.”

“Of fucking course he did. Because he couldn’t have just been another random creature drawn here by that fucking stupid tree.”  I could feel the bed shaking from Derek’s laughter. At least I made that happen. We laid in bed and talked so long we lost track of time. Next thing I knew it was 12:30pm. “Fuck, I gotta get up. Kira is gonna be here soon. And I need you to make yourself scarce. This isn’t going to be a conversation for an audience.” I got a fuck you look back. “Come back around 2 though? I just wanna talk to kira for a bit by ourselves. Feel out how she is doing with all this.”  Derek nodded, “I gotta swing by the loft and clean up. The kids are going to be there by themselves and I would like to not come home to my stuff broken everywhere.”

 

I invited Kira over an hour earlier than the others because quite frankly there was quite a bit we needed to talk about and I so did not want an audience. Just incase she started crying...okay incase I started crying because I haven’t yet, not really. Everytime I make myself stop and refuse to allow them to fall. I’m just not some little girl that got dumped by her boyfriend. So yeah, me crying, is not gonna happen. So when Kira rang the doorbell, it really really shouldn’t have hurt when I saw she was alone. Like, of course she was alone. Scott isn’t here. I must’ve let off a quick burst of hurt because her smile dampened oh so slightly. I ushered her in the house and gave her a tight hug. If I needed one, then she definitely needed one. I offered her a drink and quickly got out 2 bottle of water before sitting at the table across from her. She gave me a small thanks, and I allowed myself a moment to really take in her appearance. She has always been an attractive girl. She had on a normal outfit of Marvel leggings, a loose shirt, and a vest. Usually I would have been in awe of her tights but her face...she wore almost no makeup and she looked tired. Dark bags under her eyes. Her hair slightly unkempt and her eyes held so much sadness. I gave her a smile and asked how she was doing. She took a second and said,”I’ve seen better days.” I snorted at that and responded, “Haven’t we all?” I took a deep breathe and just blurted out, “I missed you.” And she actually looked really surprised. “Really? I figured you would never want to see me again. I was pretty blown away when you asked me to come over. I was not expecting this at all.” And I was just so perplexed at her answer, “Why would you think that? Why would I never want to see you again?”

“Because I’m...I was dating Scott. Jesus I don’t even know what we are to be honest.” She literally facepalmed and I felt so bad for this girl. “Oh kira.” I let out a deep sigh. “You have because a very close friend to me. Scott or no Scott.” And then she started sniffling, and I was suddenly so freaking glad I chose to have this conversation without anyone else around. 

“But it's my fault. It's all my fault. I should have known something was up. Or at least expected it. Instead I let him manipulate you out of all your money and ruined your future. I’m the worst girlfriend ever. Who doesn’t realize their boyfriend is going to leave?! I didn’t even suspect anything. Not even when he was telling me how much he loved me the night before he left.”

Kira was sobbing and at that point I realized this: She wasn’t to busy with her mom or school. She never came around because she thought we hated her. I jumped up and ran around the table to hug her. I just started saying,”It’s okay. I don’t hate you. Please stop crying. Please. I have no idea what to do and if you are crying, then I might cry and then I would have to cash in my man card because it would the most pathetic scene ever. So please stop crying. I don’t hate you or blame you, and neither does anyone else. We love you so much. I love you so much, I can’t lose you to.” I held her tight, rubbing firm circles on her back, and just let her cry it out. She obviously needs to do it, just like I will eventually. But that’s a worry for another time. When she finally slowed down, she pulled back to face me, giving me the most vulnerable look ever she asked if I meant all that. I put her hand over my heart, with a clear, even voice I stated,”I don’t hate you Kira and I don’t blame you for anything Scott did. I love you and consider you a very close friend.” She stood there for a moment longer, then flung her arms around my neck and gave me a weird hug/body squeeze. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

 

After she pulled away for the second time, I grabbed our waters and handed them to her with a light suggestion she go sit in the living room while I grab a washcloth for her face. She nodded and walked away. While getting her washcloth from the kitchen, I mentally kicked myself. Repeatedly. I should have done this so much sooner. This poor girl has already been dealing with Scott leaving her and to find out that he has a guilt complex that rivals Derek’s, kinda killed me inside. For the 800th time, I damned Scott to hell, this time for hurting her so bad. I walked back into the living room and Kira seemed to hunch into herself. Like she was making herself as small as possible. Gone was the thunder kitsune that helped defeat a nogitsune. Gone was the Katana wielding hero that helped save countless lives from the dead pool. Gone was the beautiful woman she had blossomed into. Gone was the girl that seemed so full of life and happiness, I had just seen 2 weeks ago at graduation. 

 

She let out a small whimper and quickly said,”I’m sorry for crying and unloading on you like that. Please don’t be mad, I’ll totally wash your shirt for you.” And then I realized she must have smelled how mad I was, or seen it on my face. I handed her the washcloth and said,”Kira, honey, I am not mad at you. I am just so mad at Scott right now. Seeing how much he hurt you makes me wanna throw a chair at his face. Which really isn’t a bad idea. We could blow up a picture of him and use it for target practice. Or we could get a fathead?” She let out a light giggle and finally smiled for the first time in the entire visit. I really did not want to drop this information bomb on her, but I really didn’t have much of a choice. She deserved to know everything that was going on. And what really sucked though, is she is gonna realize how long he has been planning this behind her back. And that betrayal is gonna hurt even worse than him just leaving. But first I wanted to ask her about kitsunes. because I’m me and I need to know everything. 

 

“So how is your training going?”

“Good actually. As a kitsune it all comes really natural so, really it's just me and mom working on my speed and healing.”

“Wow, thats really awesome! I was actually wondering how you feel about maybe showing the pack some moves? Or your mom if you aren’t comfortable?”

“No, I totally wanna do that. I think it would be a lot of fun, plus it will still count for training. So I get to hang out with you guys and my mother can’t even be upset about it.”

I just kinda blinked at her for a moment. Trying to process what she just said. I was trying to say thank you, but what came out was,”Does your mom normally get upset if you are hanging out with us?” Because honestly, that was news to me. I continued on,”Because your dad seems really cool with all of us and has always been as helpful as possible. I don’t even see how your mom can get mad when she is the reason you guys moved here in the first place. And if I remember correctly, WE ended up cleaning up her mess from calling a nogitsune in the first place.”  I did stop myself after that, because that was hitting wayyy below the belt but again, I was the one that got possessed so if anyone deserves to bitch about it, that right goes directly to me. Kira was staring at the carpet, biting her lips like she wants to say something but is so obviously holding back. “Listen Kira, I am your friend. Will you please just talk to me?”  She finally looked up at me. She heaved a big sigh, took a deep breath and looked at me like she didn’t even know how to articulate what was on her mind. I just stayed silent (which is bloody miracle in and of itself) giving her time to decide how she wanted to approach me. She finally gave me a sad frown and timidly told me that it wasn’t that her mother didn’t like the pack, she just didn’t like how much danger we have all been in the last few years. Her dad is totally cool with all of us though and is willing to help whenever he can. 

 

“So does she like me? I mean I haven’t really seen much of her since the whole…” and I just kinda waved my arms over my body, hoping she got the message. 

 

“She doesn’t have a problem with you at all. Honestly I think she feels really guilty that you were the one that got...ya know...and the fact that she laid a crusade to kill you without even trying to find a different method of saving you and putting the spirit down. I was really angry with her for a long time after that to. I mean, I know she is my mom and I still love her to pieces but that wasn’t right.”  She let a long sigh before continuing “She finally sat down and explained to me that she never knew there was a even a possibility of saving you. She is 900 years old. When she says she grew up in a different time, she quite literally meant it. Things were a lot different back then. She just kinda finds you guys baffling. Having a treaty with the Argents? That never would have happened in her time. Working together with wolves? On a long term basis? She never would have even considered it. She asked that I give her some slack. She needed time to get used to the idea that things are different now. Especially in the supernatural world.”

 

We sat silently for a few minutes. I was really just blown away that Noshiko still felt guilty about the nogitsune, but it did give me an idea.   “So do you have like training manuals or something about past kitsunes?”   Kira perked up at the change in topic. She actually smiled ear to ear and excitedly told me that her mom has journals and other books from the other kitsunes that were in the family. I guess she comes from a dynasty of powerful kitsunes.  I nodded my head, sucked on my teeth for a minute and just decided to go for it. “Do you think she would let me read them? I just really want to know more about Kitsunes in general and I don’t really have anything on them in the bestiary. Even if you are the only kitsune in the pack, I still want you to be able to talk to us about foxing out.”  Kira actually tilted her head and thought about it. Ugh, they are so not subtle sometimes.    

 

“You know, I think she probably would. But you would have to read them at our house. I am not even allowed to take them out of the sitting room.” She flashed me a smile, like she was liking the idea more and more. Which awesome. I get to learn about kitsunes, the pack gets to learn some self defense, and Kira gets to hang out with her friends. When I said as much she looked like she just won the lottery. It broke my heart to think that she truly blames herself for Scott leaving. Therefore she didn’t deserve to have any friends. I smiled back at her, and let out a small sigh because I know this next conversation was probably not going to go over as well as the kitsune conversation. 

Clearing my throat and drinking some water just to give me a minute to find my courage, actually made me more nervous, so in the end it got kinda blurted out. 

 

“So there’s a ritual we are doing tonight and I’m gonna be the new Alpha because Scott is going to share his power with me so I can take over the betas but I really just wanted to ask you if you would like to be in my pack? Like I literally have to ask because its a consent thing I guess. So do you wanna join my club?” I tried to put on my most charming smile. 

 

Kira just blinked rapidly at me. She waved her hand in the air “Whoa whoa, you wanna do a ritual that will give you Scott’s alpha powers? He’ll die without them!”

 

I just facepalmed. With both hands. Because I totally deserved that. I rubbed at my eyes and then my face in general. I looked up to meet her eyes and she didn’t even have to say another word because I could see how appalled she was. I took a deep breath and braced myself for another round of information bomb. “No no no. I’m not stealing his alpha powers at all. Alright so look this is the story. As you know, when Scott left, he left the pups without an Alpha. Deaton called me the day after he left. Apparently there is a ritual that will allow a Spark to become an Alpha without becoming a wolf.” Kira still looked incredibly confused. Rightfully so I guess. This is pretty far fetched even for me. She just said,”What?” again. 

 

“Okay so Scott asked Deaton months ago if there was a way to make someone an Alpha, without killing someone or becoming a True Alpha like him. I guess his reasoning was that when the betas went away to college they could have an Alpha near by.”

 

Kira’s eye were wide with surprise. “Holy Shit!”

 

“Exactly, so lo and behold, there is a ritual. It allows a spark to become an Alpha without being a wolf. Not so much becoming an Alpha as it's the Alpha sharing his power. And not just any Alpha, it has to be a true Alpha.”  Kira was silent, I could actually see her processing everything because her face is a total give-away. After a few minutes she finally put her focus back on me, “So, I’m assuming that you are the spark in this equation?” I nodded my head yes. “So you are going to share Alpha power with Scott and...form a pack?” I opened my mouth a few times, but I just didn’t know what to say to not freak her out. So I told her,”I think I have to. The betas need an Alpha. There’s more to it though. Since I will have Alpha power in me, my spark will grow to accommodate the new power. So I need to have an anchor of sorts. Someone to make a connection with that will let them absorb some of the…. overflow for lack of a better word.” I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a “what can ya do?” look. “Lydia’s banshee powers said it was best if Derek was my anchor.” 

 

She nodded along like she was trying to imagine it. “Okay so, what will you be able to do then? In order to be their Alpha? Like what are you gaining out of this that will help you?

 

I started counting on my fingers,”Well, my eyes will glow red. I can make them shift, shift back, stop a shift, give them Alpha orders, and most importantly, stop them from becoming omegas. But I won’t have the strength, healing, hearing, or any of the other stuff. But since my spark will grow, I’ll be able to do “magic”. I even did the air quotes like Deaton. Kira seemed to be keeping up with the conversation and processing at the same time. “So this will basically become your pack?” 

 

“Yep, I’m still kinda in shock. I just found out last night. That's the only reason I’m being kinda calm about this. I haven’t had sufficient time to really freak out.”

 

“Okay, so what is Derek’s role in all this again?”

 

“Alright, so since I will suddenly be an Alpha, the spark will grow and I’m not going to be able to automatically handle it. So when there is too much power for my body to handle, it will funnel into Derek. It will be like a pack bond, only deeper. Much deeper. And all it will do for him is to make him a better wolf. Extra strength, faster healing, longer range hearing, etc.”

 

Kira shook her head “Oh wow. I just...this is crazy!”

 

I replied in a bored voice, “I know, trust me, I know.”

 

“So when are you doing this? Like what is the plan here?”

 

“Tonight. We are doing the ritual tonight. So uh, I’m just gonna lay it out for ya. I know foxes run in family units and you don’t need an Alpha...but...Kira Yukimura will you please join my pack?” There I had finally said and before I could freak out over her answer or fuck even take a second to congratulate myself on not completely fucking that up, the doorbell rings. And she was probably thinking “Saved by the Bell” or some shit. We just kind of looked at each other for a moment, until I got a grip on myself and remembered it was my own house. “Just hold on one second okay?” She just nodded her head. I ran to open the door before it rang again, and it was Lydia and Derek. I gave them the hardest hateful glare I could possibly muster. I should probably take lessons from Derek. It felt like getting cock-blocked. Only it was pack-blocked. Beta-blocked? Fox-blocked? Yeah I like that last one. Fox-blocked. So yeah, I let them enter and gave them space to take off their shoes. Finally feeling the need to address them and not stare at Derek,”Kira is already here and in the living room. Why don’t you guys go have a seat while I grab a couple bottles of water. Lydia gave me a look that I couldn’t read and I kinda didn’t want to, but turned to go in the living room. Derek followed me into the kitchen, as soon as we were out of hearing range he gave me an apologetic look,”I told her to wait. I heard you ask her and wanted to wait til she answered, but you know Lydia Martin.” I just had to laugh. I gave him his water and remarked,”Lydia Martin waits for nobody.”

 

I turned to go back into the living room when Derek grabbed my arm,”Hold on, they are...having a moment.” and honest to god it looked like it literally pained him to say it.  I just shrugged. “Oh okay, well I guess this is a good time to ask you how you are dealing with everything?”  He leaned up against the counter(and goddamn, was it a glorious sight with the sun hitting him in the most perfect way) and let out a slow exhale,”I’m nervous, I guess. I just know it's probably going to be unpleasant and very uncomfortable.” And wow, that hurt. Like a lot. I probably looked like I had just been slapped, and he just gave me a confused look and said,”What?”  I had to clear my throat a couple times before I managed to croak out,”I know Lydia said that you were the perfect anchor but if you really hate the idea of being bonded with me, I can find someone else.” And the asshole had the audacity to look confused! Head tilted, eyebrow half cocked, and then he slapped his hands over his face. I heard a “God Damn It” and the next thing I knew I was wrapped up in Derek Hale’s arms. And of course I just stood there. Like a stick. 

 

“I didn’t mean being bonded with you would be unpleasant. I don’t mind that part at all. I meant the ritual. The ritual is probably going to be unpleasant.” I may or may not have let a few manly sniffles out. But then I got with the program and hugged him back. I relaxed against him, cuz lord knows he has the strength to hold the two of us up. I let myself feel relieved for a few moments, but once I got my emotions back under control, I muttered in his ear, “You suck at words sometimes Sourwolf.” He just sighed and replied,”I know.” I smiled against his shoulder, hoping he couldn’t tell. I rubbed my face on his shoulder, just to get a quick whiff of his scent and pulled back. I gave him a (what I think it was) encouraging smile. “But you are getting much better.”  He looked pretty skeptical at that. “I’m pretty sure that I just proved that I haven’t.” I patted his shoulder,”Actually you did. You could have worded your first statement a little better, but you quickly corrected it. And gave me a  hug as an apology. Thats a lot of progress compared to when we first met.” The corners of his lips quirked up. “True.”  I gave him a smirk, and joked,”I hope you love watching movies buddy. I tend to marathon them. In order of course cuz how can I not. And we are going to be spending a lot more time together now.”  “Oh joy.” he remarked “Come on, I think they are done now.” I followed him into the living room where Kira and Lydia were both wiping their tear stained faces. I handed each of them a wet paper towel. 

“Everything okay in here ladies?” I asked. Because Lydia Martin does not cry over silly things. 

 

“We’re fine Stiles. We just needed to clarify that Kira is still my best friend and Scott is a bigger douchebag than Jackson.” I laughed at her joke, but laughed even harder at Kira’s puzzled face. Derek even let out an amused huff. I sat down in one of the chairs, then stood up and moved it so it was in a position I liked. 

“Alright guys, I ordered our food earlier so it should be here soon. I hate to immediately get serious but it is going to be a very long day and we have a lot to go over.”    

 

“How caught up in Kira?” Lydia asked. 

 

“Completely.” I answered “You rang the doorbell just as I got done explaining.” Kira looked at me and stammered out, “Yes.” I gave her a confused look. “Yes, that's my answer to the question you asked before they got here.”  I was about to say thanks or I don’t even know because of course, that is when the pizza guy arrived.  After dealing with him and getting out plates and cups, we sat down to eat. I allowed myself 2 slices and then started talking again. 

 

“So, since we are all here, there are a few more things we need to talk about. First off, my dad is going to make me a paperwork jockey at the station starting next Monday. Which will work out well since, our very own Derek “Sourwolf” Hale has been accepted into the Beacon Hills Sheriff’s Department! So a round of applause for  him.” *Surprisingly the girls did clap along with me. And Derek blushed the most amazing shade of pink.* 

 

“Also, starting this week, I have an appointment with Ms Morrell on Monday and then a joint appointment for Liam and I on Wednesday. Kira has so kindly agreed to train us in Martial Arts. So soon we will be having training nights. I hope at least 3 times a week and then a pack sleepover afterwards. Questions, comments, or concerns so far?”

 

“Just how much do you trust Morrell with all this?” Lydia interjected. 

 

I let out a deep sigh. “Honestly, not very much. However, she has to have some sort of psych degree to work as a counselor or at Eichen House. Even though I don’t agree with some of her choices, she is still obligated to keep the balance. Which brings me to the next topic: Liam. He is the reason I set up the appointments anyways and why I want to have pack nights so often. He needs this more than anyone else. Like I can not stress enough about how pack touch is a priority for him. Mason told me yesterday that Liam’s step dad pulled him aside and expressed how concerned he was. Derek thinks that losing his alpha has made Liam’s wolf feel extremely unsafe. His PTSD is back and he is completely touch starved. I realize that after tonight, he will have an alpha again, but I don’t think it is going to cure him of all his issues. So. Buddy system? Mason is doing all that he can, but he needs help.”

 

Derek spoke up,”Accepting a new alpha will definitely help with the symptoms but I agree, it is not a cure. Maybe everyone can take one day a week and spend all day with him?”

 

“No, there are too many ways that can go wrong.” Lydia stated,”We should get him started on a routine. Simple things that happen daily with certain people, and then specially appointed activities on certain days. For example, everyday he could wake up and go running with Derek and Brett in the preserve.”

 

At that point, we all huddled together and made him a routine. It felt like the smoothest strategy planning session ever. Kira texted her mom about teaching Liam meditation, which would help with his I.E.D. Lydia texted her supervisor for permission to hire on a volunteer. I texted Deaton asking if he still needed an assistant. He agreed to a trial basis with the possibility of more hours based on his performance. And then it just all came together. Although it was slightly awkward when Lydia referred to Derek and I, as the “Alpha Couple”. Lydia gave me a look. The knowing look. The ‘I know something you don’t look’. I just kept going, not even giving her a chance to continue with her insinuations or Derek to even have a reaction beyond the initial jaw drop. 

 

After the schedule was done, I realized it was 5:03pm. I told Kira to come to Deaton’s at 7pm with Lydia. Since they have been around the longest, I wanted them to be the first betas. Derek agreed to let Mason, Brett, and Liam, hang out at the loft until we got there to accept them into the pack. We will wing it after that. I don’t know if I will want a pack night, an anchor night, or both. I ran upstairs to clean up and to grab the “pledge” I had typed up. I stood there, in the middle of my room, staring at the pledge….and had an actual anxiety attack. Because it's real. It’s really happening. I guess for the last 2 weeks I have been deluding myself into thinking Scott was on vacation to Dominican Republic for a family reunion or some shit. But no, Scott is GONE. I felt my knees give out and braced myself for the impact. 

 

But instead of feeling my knees hit the ground, I felt arms around my waist. They pulled me back up and my back hit a wall. I distantly heard,”Stiles, it's okay, breathe with me. In…. out…. In...out….” I don’t know how long that went on, but when I finally came to I was being hugged by Lydia, Kira, and Derek. I relaxed a little against Derek’s chest, and looked down to see faint black veins in his hands. No wonder I haven’t been hit with post anxiety attack aches. With all of them around me, I finally forced myself to say it, “Scott is gone.” They all just hugged me tighter for it.  I think it was at that moment that I came to two realizations: 1. Scott is gone and not planning on coming back for quite a while. My best friend abandoned all of us and couldn’t even tell us. So yeah, Scott is gone and it is finally sinking in. But then as I stood there with Lydia hugging my side, (smudging her makeup!)counting my breaths and heart rate. . . Kira hugging my other side and part of my front, whispering,”It's gonna be okay, everything is going to get better.” over and over again. And Derek holding me up, literally, leeching my pain and just keeping me upright. The second realization was: I am exactly where I am meant to be, and I can’t wait to be their Alpha. 

 

I found my voice after several minutes,”I’m okay now. Thank you so much. All of you.” I broke apart from them, just enough so I could bend down to pick up the paper with my pledge. “Scott might be gone, but I am here, and I am ready to lead this pack. I wrote this last night. This is what I want this pack, my pack, to be all about. And in the last 5 minutes you guys made every single promise come true. I’m very proud to call you guys my friends. Even more so to call you my betas. I promise I will be the best Alpha I can.” Lydia took the paper from me and flipped it open. Kira and Derek read it over her shoulder. Lydia looked up first, with I swear watery eyes, and told me it was a beautifully written pledge. At that she turned around to walk out of the room, when she got to the doorway, she looked back and softly said,”And I can’t wait to accept it.”  Kira handed my back the paper and pulled me in for a tight hug. She whispered in my ear,”I can’t wait to see you in action tonight, My Alpha.” Then she left the room as well. Derek and I were left alone in the room, and all I could think of to say was,”Thank you for catching me. I fully expected to have bruises or rug burn on my knees.”  He gave me a tight smile,”I will always be here to catch you Stiles. I’m glad you gained the confidence to do what we already know you are capable of. But we really need to get to Deaton’s.” He pulled me into a tight hug, and he really does give the best hugs. I muttered “Okay.” I walked out of the room not even thinking of Deaton, but the warmth of Derek’s hand on my back. 

 

As I was getting my shoes on, I looked up to tell the girls goodbye.  Lydia was looking down and biting her lip. I put my hand on her shoulder and gave her a ‘what’s up’ look. “Jordan just texted me and…” I cut her off (ballsy I know) “Oh my god. Jordan. God I am so terrible. Does he want to be in the pack? Can he? Is that something his kind does?” Lydia gave me an exasperated huff. “Yes Stiles, his kind can be in a pack if they choose. He knows some of what’s going on, but you haven’t said anything about him, so I wasn’t sure of how much I should tell him.”   I put my other hand on her free shoulder. “Lydia, I would absolutely love to have Jordan in my pack. He is a really great guy. Is there anyway he can meet us at the loft later? No disrespect, but I’d like you and Kira to be first.” She gave me a real smile, then replied, “I already told him to meet us there at 9pm.” I just laughed, because of course she did. I gave her and Kira a hug goodbye and a quick peck on the cheek before heading out the door with an impatient Derek. 

 

The ride to Deaton’s was only 15 minutes but it seemed so much longer. Derek lasted about 3 minutes of knee jiggling before putting his hand on my thigh. And then my heart rate picked up, thankfully he must have thought it was nerves and not the fact that he was touching me. It startled me when he started talking. “We’re going to be fine Stiles. I know all about anchors. Not necessarily live ones….with a bond...that will give my abilities a boost. But regardless, it still has the same function.” I sat for a minute, to think about how I wanted to word what I wanted to say (HA! progress!) “I know. I do, really. And I’m glad that his has such a positive effect for you. I’m just worried about what this will do to me personality wise. Like, the last time my body was given power, I went on a murdering spree. Studies have shown that even the nicest people have been corrupted by power. Only, I’m not going to have power over a company or a lot of money. I’m going to have power over a group of supernatural creatures, that can leave a body in shreds within seconds. Plus, I..” At this point Derek put the hand that was on my thigh over my mouth. Deja vu much?

Last time, you weren’t the one in charge of your body or of the power. It's like… on Supernatural, people get possessed by demons. Their bodies are just vessels. They aren’t the ones actually hurting people. They have no control over what their body does. It's the same thing with the nogitsune. No one ever blamed you Stiles.” Derek removed his hand from my mouth(not before I gave it a sloppy lick first haha) and put it back on my jiggling leg. By time I looked up, we were pulling into Deaton’s. He gave my thigh a squeeze and said,” Come on, we are already a few minutes late.” I have no idea how I got myself out of the Toyota. And the only reason I made it into Deaton’s is because I was focusing on Derek’s hand that was on my lower back. It was warm, and fingers splayed out. Deaton ushered us into the back, closing and locking the door, then pulling all the blinds shut. “Mr. Stilinski, I’m going to assume you want me to walk you through everything that is going to happen?” I just nodded my head, I didn’t think I could use words right now. Especially when Derek grabbed my hands that I had been wringing. So I just settled back and kept Derek’s hand in a death grip and willed myself not to have another panic attack. 

“Well, first we will do the ritual of connecting your spark to Mr. Hale's wolf. You will both strip and cleanse your body with this mixture. The idea is to purify yourselves. When doing a connection like this, you are essentially connecting your souls.”   I’m not proud to admit it… but I totally tried to keep my laugh in, and I just couldn’t. Deaton wasn’t impressed and Derek looked perplexed. “Come on Derek, do you realize what this is gonna mean? We’re soul mates! God, Lydia is going to have a field day with this.” Derek just groaned and rubbed his face with his free hand. “Shut up Stiles.” Deaton looked quite annoyed,”Are you two done mocking a very important and very special ritual that hasn’t been performed in 100 years?” I felt kinda bad and apologized. Deaton continued,”After purifying yourselves, you will stand in a ring of sage. Derek you will cut open your right palm and with your left hand you will draw this symbol over Stiles’ heart.” He pulled a paper from the folder and placed it on the table and handed Derek another paper. The symbol was...idek. Like DNA with an infinity symbol? Simple but hard to explain. “While you are drawing the symbol, you will say out loud the vow. It is written in Latin. Stiles, you will then do the same thing. You will cut open your right palm and draw the symbol with your left hand. You will feel a moment of intense pressure and then you will feel the bond. It will be weaker until we do the Alpha Spark ritual. But that is not to say it won’t be...intense. Stiles, you only felt very weak pack bonds before. This will be much stronger. And after the ritual, you will be very much in tune with Derek’s wolf.”

Derek’s voice cut through the processing I was doing. “How in tune do you mean?” Deaton looked like he was thinking? Or maybe just asking for strength? “He won’t be as in tune as you are. But he will understand the wolf’s urges, even if you aren’t acting on them. Such as scenting a packmate or a friend. Growling at someone. Bringing a sick pack member food.” Derek nodded, in relief? “He won’t be able to make your wolf feel anything for anyone. He will understand your wolf, but not influence him.” Which of course, got me thinking,”What will Derek feel?” And the man in question looked like he hadn’t even thought about that. Deaton replied,”Your emotions. When you are using your spark, when your spark is about to overflow.”  My emotions?  “Like, all of my emotions Doc? Even if I’m looking at a magazine and think a model is attractive?” And Deaton fucking laughed at me. “No, Mr. Stilinski, more like passion, fear, anger, joy, and sadness. He might even be able to tell the difference between irritation and fury.”  “Oh, okay then I guess.”

Deaton looked at the both of us, like he was waiting for more questions. But at that point, I was just kinda overwhelmed with all the information. “I should also mention that Derek will be in beta shift and will cut open his palm with his claws.” We both nodded. “Now, Mr. Stilinski the next ritual, the Alpha Spark Ritual, will not require much from you. I just need a vial of blood. I will mix the blood with different plants of magical properties. While I am doing this, you will sit indian style on this stool.” He pointed to what really looked like an end table more than a stool. And then it clicked. “What kind of wood is it made out of?” I demanded. I just knew. Deaton pursed his lips,”It is from the Nemeton. Which only means it is powerful. There is no darkness, I promise. I know because I made it myself.” Which did make me feel better. I gave out a sigh, because really what else could I say. I had to do this. “Now, while you are sitting on the stool, I need you to focus on your spark and visualize your pack. And you as the Alpha and how much you want this. Your hopes and dreams for the pack. What the pack will be like in 10 years? Because this is involving a True Alpha, everything about this ritual is positive. Complete consent, noble intentions, it's all part of making the world, your world, and in this case your pack, a happier and safer environment.”

I snorted at that last statement,”Even when said True Alpha is being a giant douche nugget that is being a completely shit person right now?” I couldn’t even help myself. Like how is this guy going to go on about how positive a True Alpha is, and Scott is not even being a good person right now! Derek gave my hand a squeeze. Like he was thinking the same thing. Deaton just let out a heavy sigh,”Stiles, I honestly don’t know why Scott left. I don’t understand what could possibly make him want to leave you all without even a goodbye.” 

First I was just shocked that he called me Stiles. Then, as I sat there looking at Deaton, I realized yet again, that I am not the only one that lost Scott. Deaton has been his mentor for the last 4 years. And more of a father figure than Rafael ever was. Deaton seemed to pull himself together and said,”Here’s what I do know though: There must be an extremely good reason for why he did this. After Christmas, he seemed almost frantic to learn everything he could about the past True Alphas, any abilities he had, and the issues they had to deal with. I don’t know what he thought or found out that made him act this way. However, if he truly thought that leaving the pack was the best option, then I’m just going  to have to trust him for leaving the pack in your hands. I very much doubt, that he would have left if it turned out to be anybody but you.” 

And didn’t that just leave a bad taste in my mouth. I just said,”Oh my god, I can’t deal with this right now. So while I sit on the stool, explaining to my spark how much I honestly want to be the Alpha and all the amazing things that going to be accomplished while I rein, is there anything else that needs to be done?” Derek just shook his head at me and let out an amused huff. Deaton gave me a neutral look and responded,”No, that's all I will need from you. Scott will feel the ritual happening and give your spark his consent to form the bond. You will feel a few moments of what is described as spark pain, then you will feel the Alpha power. Derek, I will be putting you in a ring of mountain ash, as you will lose control for a few moments. As soon as you are calm, I will break the line. You have my word on this. Any questions?”  Uh YEAH, of freaking course I had questions. God this man doesn't know me well. Derek was thinking the same thing cuz he had this smirk on his face like he what was going to happen.

Finally I just exploded,”So yeah, question one, what kind of bond am I going to have with Scott?”  

“That is entirely up to you. The books say that one pair managed to make the bond so strong they could sent short messages to each other. Another pair said they had a falling out and were only aware of the bond when they really thought about it.”

“Okay, what the hell is ‘Spark Pain’?”

“The books say it is indescribable, and you will understand when it happens, again, it is only for a few moments.”

“What's the Alpha power going to feel like?”

“Like your spark is doing a dance.”

That earned him a very judgemental Hale eyebrow lift. He responded,”I’m only repeating what the books say.”

“Alright last question I guess, Am I still going to be able to control mountain ash?”

“Yes, you are a spark first and foremost. Now, if that's all I’d like to go over the Latin Vows, so I know you are saying them correctly.” First off, speaking latin is cool in a sense, but learning the shit is just hard as fuck. Of freaking course, Derek was great and didn’t need much help. Me, on the other hand, needed Deaton to go over it twice, slowly, and then I still got stuck on like 6 words. Finally Derek stepped in when he saw Deaton getting impatient and kept glancing at his watch. And fucking Derek, told me to watch the way his mouth moved. Jesus, I bit my tongue, hard. But it was surprisingly effective. I finally managed to say the whole thing twice without fucking up. Then, Deaton destroyed all of my Hale resistance that I had painstakingly built up. 

“Now lets walk through this one more time. Purify yourselves, stand in the sage circle. Derek will cut his right palm with his claw, make the symbol, which I will leave right beside you for reference. Say the vow as you are drawing. Stiles you will cut your right palm with this knife, draw the symbol, say the vow as you are drawing. then you will clasp your right hands and kiss.” 

Derek and I both let out an outraged,”WHAT?!” Deaton looked like he had no idea what our ordeal was. And then I went off,”Kiss? You never mentioned kissing! Like ever! Cause I promise you, I would remember you telling me I get to kiss Derek. I would love to assume you mean a kiss on the cheek but you would have specified. I can guarantee you that Derek doesn’t want to kiss me. Why is the kissing even necessary?!” And of course, Deaton looked at me like I was the one that was insane. 

“This is a very special ritual for a reason. I could have sworn that I mentioned it. Besides, I thought you two were...close to begin with?” I opened my mouth to say more but Derek beat me to it. Although his response of “Its fine.” shocked me more than anything else that has happened the past 2 weeks. My jaw just hung there while I stared at him. He looked back to me, and calmly said,”It’s fine, we need to do this. We are running out of time as is and no matter how much you rant about it, it's still not going to change the fact that it has to happen. So this is my consent. Yes, I will kiss you. Now, lets get this going. Lydia will be here soon and I don’t want an audience for this. It's special and intimate for a reason.” And I just nodded because logic. We followed Deaon to the back room where he had everything set up. Deaton pointed to a small table and told us we could place our clothes there. 

He placed a bowl in front of us with 2 sponges. “Make sure you clean behind your ears and wet your hair. Not so much about being clean as it is about getting as much of the mixture on your body as possible. I need to grab a few things from the other room. I will give you a few minutes, but we are on a time crunch.” And then he left. He wasn’t even all the way out the door and Derek was pulling his shirt over his head. I just kept repeating locker room rules in my head while I was undressing. Especially because I looked over at Derek, gave him a quick look up and down then muttered under my breath,”Jesus, I’m gonna need a self esteem book after this.” And fucking Derek looked at me and with a smart voice,”Your body is fine. You grew into your arms and legs. It would probably be more fine if you traded some of those curly fries for a few sit ups. But still fine nonetheless.” And then he took off his stupidly tight pants. I didn’t even know what to say to that so I just turned about and continued undressing. Derek wrinkled his nose at the water. It didn’t smell to bad to me, but I don’t have a super sniffer either. We made quick work of ‘purifying’ ourselves and just as I put the sponge back on the table, Deaton walked back in with the stool and glass jars full of plants and a large wooden bowl. He set everything down on the stool, grabbed his folder and a roll of tape. 

“Over here gentlemen.”I noticed he didn’t step in the sage circle, but around it even though it was a right fit. He taped up the picture of the symbol, then a vow on either side of it. “Derek, you will stand here and Stiles, you will stand here. Derek, you will need to beta shift before stepping into the circle. I placed your vows beside you incase you forget a word.” He handed me a knife (if you can call a really sharp stone shoved into a deer antler, a knife?). Once you step into the circle, please begin immediately. 

Derek and I looked at each other and nodded. We stepped into the circle, and he immediately took a claw to his palm. 

 

**** Derek smearing his blood on me while speaking gibberish was just strange and definitely a once in a lifetime experience. He looked at the symbol quite a few times but only looked at his vows a couple. I know this whole thing could only have lasted at most 5 minutes, but if felt like much longer. Like way longer. I listened to Derek's voice and looked everywhere but down. Because I did in the beginning and realized that after he first cut his palm, he had to keep 2 claws embedded into his skin so it didn’t heal up. His voice didn’t crack at all. He sounded so sure, so confident, it actually made me feel better that he was so committed to this. 

And then it was my turn. I quickly sliced open my palm.*** When I looked up, our eyes locked, he gave me a smile. A small one, but it was still reassuring. I took one more look at the symbol and began drawing. After the first line, I started the vow. And the strange words just rolled off my tongue. About halfway through, I felt a stirring in my chest. It felt like a pack bond, but then it got a little stronger, bit by bit. I needed to look at my vows more than I needed the symbol. When I was finally done, I looked up at Derek who looked a little awestruck. I held up my hand and he laid his on mine then interlocked our fingers. We moved forward and as soon as I knew what way to turn my head, I closed my eyes. And the feeling in my chest felt warm. Actually the being in my chest felt warm. Because that was a little closer to what it felt like. I don’t really know how long the kiss lasted, I was just enjoying it. After 3 years of thinking about this, I just wanted to feel his warm lips. And the being in my chest settled a little more, until I was just aware of this LIVE feeling in my body. I don’t know how I know this, but it settled itself around my spark. We drew back at the same time, like we just knew when to let go. 

I opened my eyes and Derek was staring at me. I rubbed the middle of my chest. Where the being was settled. He looked down and saw where I was rubbing. He brought his hand up and placed it on the same spot on his chest. I don’t even know what I was trying to ask, all that came out was,”Can you…?” After a moment he said,”Feel you?Yes. Is that where?” he trailed off. “Yes, it's wrapped around my spark. He lifted an eyebrow at that. I just shook my head, “I have no idea how I know that, I just do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest here, I don't think there will be smut in this. Which I am throughly disappointed about. I don't know if I can even write sexy times. Maybe if it was straight or even girlxgirl. But I don't have the right body parts, and I don't think I could describe it accurately. If anyone can write sexy times and wouldn't mind collaborating, please comment and we can talk about it?


	7. Rebuilding the Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek do the Alpha ritual, and some serious revelations happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is the blood magic chapter. The only way that it is referenced is when Deaton says I need to draw your blood. But thats it. There is no blood play or describing the potion or anything like that. 
> 
> So my laptop is dying like any minute now, and I really just wanted to get this chapter up. No beta so all mistakes are mine. I will probably get on later to fix it up a little if nessecary.

 

Derek and I stared at each other, well stared at each other’s chest to be more accurate. Until a throat cleared, I had forgotten Deaton was in the room. I suddenly became aware of the world again, and by the look on Derek’s face, he had as well. I snapped my head towards Deaton, he was smiling like he had just won the lottery. “It seems the ritual was a success then. That’s how the other sparks have described it as well. Now, if we move on, we will have just enough time before Miss Martin arrives. Stiles if you could come sit over here please, I need to draw your blood now.” I let out a childish sigh before stepping over the circle to sit in the chair Deaton had set beside the table. Surprisingly he actually had the proper medical tools, I had fully expected him to just cut open my arm or something. I looked away from him while he slipped in the needle. That’s when I realized I knew exactly where Derek was. Not just in the physical sense though. I had been aware that he was standing right behind me, but it felt more like an instinctual feeling. Like even if I had closed my eyes and he walked away I would still be able to find him in a pitch dark room. As soon as the doc pulled the needle out of my skin I stood up just so I could turn away and not have to see the vials of blood. I was looking around the room in general and then I noticed the mountain ash circle 4 feet away and I felt really uneasy about it. The thought of even having to go near it was...ugh. Nope. Did not like. Would prefer never to see it again. Deaton snapped his fingers at me. “Sorry, but I’ve been trying to get your attention. Please sit on the stool. I’m going to make sure everything is ready. I will let Derek know when to step into the circle and I will close it from the table. Once Derek is in the ring, I want you to focus on your spark. When you have a good handle on it, I want you to think of all the ways you would be a good Alpha. All the things you want to do with the pack, and all the things you want to accomplish. And anything else you can think of. Just think of what life would be like if you were the Alpha. And Stiles, think big.” I sat on the stool and watched Derek slowly make his way to the circle. I really didn’t like that. Like with each step he took, I wanted to just reach out and tug him away from it. Then the lightbulb went off in my head and I let out a startled, “Oh.” They both looked at me like something was wrong. Panic was quite clear on Derek’s face, they continued to stare at me so I had to explain. 

 

“Do I have to be facing you while you are making your blood soup? Or be sitting directly in the middle of this thing?”  Deaton looked confused but replied, “No, to both of those.” I stood up to resituate myself to be as close to the circle as possible and explained, “I just realized that what I am feeling, isn’t what I, myself, am feeling.” It took a moment, but I knew the moment Deaton realized what I was saying. Derek still looked confused though. Deaton’s voice sounded from behind me, “You should still be safe if you would like to move the stool a foot closer. I doubt he would do anything to you, but just to be safe.”  Which actually made no sense. 

“Wait, if he is in the circle, why can’t I be right beside it?” Deaton actually looked impressed with that question rather than the usual slightly annoyed look. “Just as you now have a small part of his wolf in you, he has a small bit of spark in him. So while he wouldn’t be able to break the circle, the force field will have a little bit of a give rather than being unyielding.” Derek seemed just as impressed with that bit of information as I was. I thought about it while I moved the stool as close as possible and replied, “That actually makes a lot of sense.” I sat down and hoped that maybe being closer would comfort him, even if was just a slight bit. Once I was comfortable I looked to see how Derek was dealing, he definitely had the worry brows going. I reached out to grab his hand, “Hey, it's gonna be okay.” I tried to give him a reassuring smile. He seemed to accept that and let out the breath he must have been holding. I held his hand until I heard Deaton’s voice ring out, “Okay Derek, I am ready to start now.” Derek gave my hand a gentle squeeze before letting go to take the last 2 steps into the circle. He was obviously very unhappy and slightly emotionally distressed just by the look on his face. I gave out a small sigh, this is obviously something we are going to have to work on. I can’t have him freaking out everytime I work with mountain ash.  I waited til Deaton closed the circle and assessed how he was feeling again. And...nothing was really popping out at me. I guess I thought the knowledge would just come to me. Like I would just know how to access his wolf. Of course my life couldn’t be that easy though. 

I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. I thought just sitting quietly would work, like if my mind was clear I could finally really feel my spark. But nothing was coming to me, and I wasn’t even sure of how to get its attention either. So I tried my hardest to block out all noise from Deaton's blood soup, all the million racing thoughts in my head, and the fact that I was butt ass naked, chilling on a stool, made from the same tree that tried to kill me, a foot away from the guy I’ve been in love with for 3 years. I just let it all go into this big white abyss and made my mind into a crystal, sound-proof, clear room. It occurred to me that the spark can work in weird ways as long as you believe. So I made my consciousness into a building. I mentally pictured myself leaving the room I was currently in, double checking that I closed and locked the door behind me. I walked down this enormous flight of stairs to my chest area, then looked for the door labeled spark...or something. And there it just popped up. A normal looking wooden door, but the light that was coming out the bottom and side cracks had the intensity of the sun. I opened the door expecting to be blinded but it didn’t bother me at all. That's when I saw it. And yeah, it really didn’t seem that powerful, although very beautiful. I don’t really know how to describe it. But just imagine a miniature sun, with thick orange bands swirling around it. I may have prodded at the swirls, or something to that effect. The swirl I poked at just wrapped around my finger, and then glowed at me? But not in a bad way, more like a woo-hoo way? IDK it just felt positive. Like it was happy to feel me. I took a few steps towards the swirls and surprisingly it just parted for me. I quickly darted through the path, not sure if the swirls would close up around me or what could happen. As soon as I was beyond the swirls, I saw my spark. And wow, it just warmed me up, like I was laying in the summer sun on a breezy day. That's how I know I had its attention, so I talked? To it? About my plans as future Alpha. My plans for each beta. How I hope to make their lives better. Therapy sessions with Liam and Alpha cuddle time after. Helping Mason choose a college and showing him my homemade bestiary. Playing lacrosse with Brett and helping him raise his sister. Researching with Lydia and helping her deal with her family situation. Maybe help her get a better paying job so her credit card debt will be paid off sooner. Reading Noshiko’s books and learning more about the other types of Kitsune. Helping Jordan recover some of his lost memory, and developing his abilities. And Derek, god I just want to wrap him up in a blanket of love and safety. Maybe even getting him to talk about his family or fuck, even getting him to accept the fact that the fire wasn’t his fault. Spending time with him at the station, showing him the ropes and the lingo. Teaching him how to work the temperamental coffee maker to brew a decent pot, where and when to order supplies at their cheapest, all the stash spots my dad has. Possibly even taking him to the shooting range with my dad, to prove he can be comfortable with a gun and not just treat it as an obligatory item the department makes him carry. If he learns to associate it with positive memories, maybe he can let go of some of the painful ones. And if he found someone to be happy with, and feel good enough to start a family even, I will move mountains to make it happen (even if it would completely destroy me in the process.)  

Then I thought of the things we could all do together. Pizza nights and scrabble, playing lacrosse with the girls, learning martial arts, puppy piles with the newest Marvel movies. Sending Mason, Liam, and Brett off to college. Kira mastering her powers and acquiring new tails. Lydia winning a fields medal and the pack embarrassing her by square dancing at the ceremony. Maybe even watching Mason and Brett get married. Liam becoming a father. The possibilities were truly endless. I thought at this point I was finished, but I could tell I was missing something. And damn did it suck when I realized what it was. This was the Brady Bunch version of what our life could be like...but that was during the day. I needed to talk about the Buffy version of what our night life would be like. Watching Liam fight off a vampire, and winning, but also sustaining serious injuries. Comforting Mason when he gets thrown some homophobic bullshit. Making Brett accept the help he needs, and live in the warehouse with his sister. Patching up Derek after a battle because he has this Hero Complex. Reeling in Kira when her fox takes over her humanity before she kills everyone. Explaining to Liam’s family about what he is and expecting them to freak out like Melissa did. Then him living with me for a week until the smell of disgust isn’t so blatant. Helping Jordan accept his past because we suspect it is not a pretty one. Keeping Beacon Hills safe as possible. Accepting a win but unable to celebrate because the grief is too strong, because eventually someone is going to slip past us. Letting the pack help me when I have panic attacks. Or comfort me the next time my dad has a cardiologist appointment and it doesn’t go well. And having some companionship on my Mom’s birthday and the anniversary of her passing  away, rather than blocking myself off from everyone. Which is to painful to even think about. 

That's when I felt the “spark pain”. I tried to step back as quick as possible. To get away from my spark that seemed to just grow and glow unbelievably brighter. And the pain was like my spark was being ripped open and then the pain just faded. But the brighter glowing hadn't stopped. It wasn't being ripped open, it was growing, and the little tendrils of light were dancing. I pulled my mind back farther so I could come back to reality(?) I was taking my metaphorical steps back when the orange swirls brushed against me and glowed in its happy way. As I took my last steps back, the orange swirls drew to the spark, wrapped around it, and hummed? My spark’s glow simmered down, oh so slightly, which seemed to make the orange swirls thicken? 

Then my eyes flew open and I toppled off the stool. I was gasping for air like I was having an anxiety attack. Derek managed to catch me before I fell on the tiled floor. I could barely hear what he was saying, “Breathe with me Stiles, slowly. In...Out…..In….Out” I don’t know how long we did that. With him squatting in front of me. I stayed quiet till I could breath normally. I looked up to Derek and then to Deaton. They look concerned but not terrified, so I must be okay. I blame the fact that I was still recovering for everything that came out of my mouth next. “Holy Fucking Shitballs! Did you give me acid?!” And the freaking jerks that they are, just started laughing at me. I was getting seriously annoyed, yet weirdly...yippy? I huffed at them and stood to get my clothes. Only I didn’t even make it to standing. Again, Derek caught me and sat me back on the stool. “I feel dizzy and sick and I want to whine and go hunting? Da Fuck man?” 

Deaton’s voice interrupted my freak out amidst an entire sea of emotions raging in me. “You need to eat and drink so water first. You lost quite a lot of blood and this ritual took all the strength your body had.” Deaton handed me the water,  but my hands were shaking to bad to even hold it. Derek grabbed the bottle and held it to my mouth, only letting me have small sips at a time. Then he switched to Orange juice, which was way more refreshing than the water. By the end of the water and the bottle of juice, my hands weren’t shaking so bad, but I couldn't shake this weird anxiety. I just wanted to get up and pace the room.  Deaton handed Derek a white paper bag with a Bacon Double Cheeseburger and curly fries. I did a small fist pump and thanked the man. Immediately after I said thanks, I wanted to growl? Like I was supremely irritated? Which made no sense to me at all. I just shook my head and figured I could get dressed first then deal. I definitely did not want Derek to move so, “Doc, could you please grab my clothes please? I’d at least to put on my boxers.” He nodded and moved to collect our clothes. 

I asked Derek,”Why don’t you sit by me?” and then I got a little tail wagging giddy. However he didn’t move. He looked like he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how? I gave him a “what's up?” face. He kinda gaped at me like a goldfish, until Deaton handed us our clothes. “Miss Martin, Miss Yukimura, and your father are in the waiting room. I am going to update them and answer any questions they may have. Take your time, you just acquired some very new instincts and dealing with intense differences that do not make sense to your human side.” and then he just left, but not before giving Derek a nod that was supposed to mean something? Once the doctor was gone, I grabbed my boxers, slid them up to my thighs, as far as I could anyways while sitting. I held my hand out to Derek, “Help me stand up please?” Immediate action. Hmmm. I pulled up my boxers and sat back down, closer to the edge so there was room by my side. I looked up at Derek again, “Derek, sit down beside me.” Again immediate action. I pulled on my socks quickly and allowed myself to enjoy Derek’s wolfy warmth beside me. I kept quiet. Thinking of the implications of this. It wasn’t even just his warmth, it was just delightful to sit beside him.  

As I ate my burger and fries, I tried to analyze all the feelings in my body. I closed my eyes and looked inward. I had just wanted to look at the spark, maybe tell the orange swirls  that I was sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. The ball of light was definitely bigger than the first time, and much brighter. I nudged past the swirls, giving them a happy vibe. I got a woohoo back. I  plan on doing that a lot more. I noticed something in the middle of my spark as soon as the swirls passed. I was terrified for a brief moment, it looked large and powerful and I couldn’t help but think that we may have brought the nogitsune back. But once I stepped forward and lightly laid a hand on the spark, I got waves of relief. It wasn’t black, there were no menacing vibes, my spark didn’t feel like it was being leeched upon either, it felt more like...home? The ball in the middle was bright red. I gently prodded it, and the Alpha power (I just knew that's what it was as soon as I touched it) had a tiny tendril that stuck to my finger, I pulled my finger further away and the tendril just stayed with my finger. I pulled back to the sparks out edge and oddly enough it was still attached. I pulled back to the other side of the orange swirls which made a huge gap for me to go through. Kinda like if Royalty were to walk the street. Everyone parts and makes a path for them.

I opened my eyes to red tinted world. Derek stiffened beside me. I got a vibe of...caution? Like he was waiting to fight or submit? I leaned over and squeezed his though. “I am so sorry, I was just experimenting and I should have warned you. My bad.” He let out a huge sigh of relief, that made me feel even worse. “I’m gonna put the eyes away.” I closed them again and took the tendril all the way back down again to the red ball. It slipped back into the alpha power, and didn't follow me when I took a step back. I was about to pull all the way back to Derek and reality when the red ball pulsed. I reached out and laid my hands on the surface. It was vibes of gratitude? WTF? Why gratitude? It had no reason to thank me, I didn’t even think it was sentient. I pushed a little harder, to see if maybe I could get more info? The vibes didn’t actually feel like it was the alpha power but..how? It took a few minutes, not gonna lie, and I realized exactly what was going on. This weird vibe? That would be my bond to Scott. Because of course it is. It startled me, and I considered sending back hatred, or fury or something negative that would be conceived as “Fuck off”.  Deatons words rang through my head though, about him leaving because he had to. The fact that he cared enough to give me and Kira letters.  To make sure everyone would have an Alpha. I gave it some consideration, decided to be diplomatic, I sent back acceptance. Then immediately pulled away before anything else came through. I hurriedly pulled back to get to Derek, but couldn’t help myself to give the swirls a little brush. 

I opened my eyes again, just to let out the deep breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Well I just felt Scott’s bond to me.” I took a bite of my burger and let that sink it. Derek waved his hand in a “go on” gesture. “He sent me….vibes of gratitude.” He rubbed my back and let out  a soft “Oh”. I snorted at him. Glad I’m not the only one that says it. “Yeah, gratitude. So obviously he is aware that we completed the rituals, and that I took over his pack. And I would love to still completely fucking hate him.” Derek just hummed. I looked at him, because I wanted his opinion on this. But he is Derek so he stayed silent, then he looked annoyed? “I’m waiting for you to get to the second part of your sentence.” 

Well of course he is. I grunted at him, then tried to stand up, to finish getting dressed. After I got the first shirt on, I started, “But Damn that Deaton. He gave me fucking doubts okay. Like maybe, just maybe, all is not as it seems.” Second shirt on and I felt...whining. Whining? Fuck I had gotten louder than necessary. I slapped my hands over my face and rubbed my eyes. I took a deep calming breath, counted to ten, then exhaled. I looked down at derek, who was starting at the floor, looking all kinds of vulnerable. I took the 2 steps  closer to him and nudged myself between his legs. I took his face in my hands, and calmly, evenly stated, “Derek, I’m sorry.” I titled his face to make him look up at me. “Really I am. Please don’t whine, I am not angry with you, I didn’t mean to get so loud. My emotions got the better of me. Please forgive me?” I took my hands off his face and spread them as an invitation for a hug looking all sorts of hopeful. He stood up so quickly the stool clattered backwards. Once we were face to face, he tilted his head to the side and leaned in. I literally could not help myself, I couldn’t pull him to me fast enough. I put my arms over his shoulders and rubbed one hand up through his hair and used the other to rub his back. I just started rubbing my face against his, then down his neck. I got feelings of a wolf preening with attention. His hands were large and so warm rubbing all over my back. 

And of freaking course, me being me, kinda ruined it. I hadn’t even realized it but I was licking his neck down to his shoulder, and back again. I froze once I realized what I was doing. I jumped back from him and began rambling an apology,” I’m sorry. I am so so sorry. I have no idea why I did that. Really all I was thinking was you smell nice and I hope others can smell me on you. Because you should smell like me. Because..because, you just should. I really don’t have a good reason or idea why. OMG, I’ve been an Alpha for all of 20 minutes and I’m already completely fucking up and gonna lose my anchor on my first fucking night. And why in the hell  are you laughing?!?” If it wasn’t such a serious situation for me, I probably would have kept ranting just to watch Derek laugh. Its truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. His laughter died down to chuckles and he gave me a smile. Like a real, honest to god, happy smile. 

“Stiles, I’m not mad. I was just surprised, what you are feeling is totally natural for a new Alpha. You were scent marking me as a member of your back. Before you ask, yes usually we just touch each other, but we’ve been doing it for years. I smell like you, but it's human you, not Alpha you. And yes its very different. Touch is usually enough but you are a new alpha and our bond is stronger than anything I have ever felt. I doubt you will go so far as licking with the others though. The wolves would understand but the girls might have a slight issue.” He grabbed ahold of my shoulders and squeezed. “You are an Alpha Werewolf without the wolf part.  You are still going to have the same urges and instincts a normal one would have. The only difference is you don’t have to worry about shifting. And you haven’t fucked anything up. I was looking down, because I was trying to be respectful while you were dressing. I figured I would just explain once you hugged it out and calmed down a little.” I let out a relieved sigh. “And Stiles?” He paused, so I looked up at his face, “I wouldn’t leave you, I expected things to not go completely smooth for us. They never do. But this bond, I was seriously when I said I have never felt something so strong. . . Not even when my mom or Laura was Alpha. And I would never leave you anyways. Bond or no bond.” 

I stood there, awestruck, jaw hanging open, letting all that sink it. “Wow Derek, I don’t think you have ever spoken to me that much without me basically forcing you to. Good job bud!” He, of course was not impressed. He just rolled his eyes at me, then let go of my shoulders when he took a step back. “Just because I don’t talk much doesn’t mean I am not aware, I just don’t care to put my opinion out there most of the time. Now, please get dressed. The sound of Lydia pacing in heels is killing my eardrums.”  I just nodded and murmured,”okay” to him. I grabbed my jeans and pulled them on, along with my sneakers. I looked around for all my other stuff. Placing my phone in my pocket, throwing away the bag and containers from my food. Derek walked beside me all the way to the doors. I stopped 2 steps away, and gave Derek the “one minute” hand gesture. I stood still, eyes closed, and just felt. Just assessing what is going on inside of me, if there were any instincts that were about to come out. I didn’t even need to go down into my spark. I could just tell the wolf (which are the orange swirls I figured out) was content, like laying in a field on a sunny day. The Alpha was neutral, oddly. And the spark, well all it wanted was for Derek to be touching me again. I was relieved that all seemed well, but mostly relieved that the wolf really didn’t seem to care about what just happened. I could feel my lips quirk up, I looked over at Derek, he was watching me, slight concern written all over his face. “I’m fine.” I got a sarcastic eyebrow raise. “No really, I am. I was just...taking inventory on how everyone was feeling before I walk out there. God knows Lydia is going to pitch a fit, Kira will just be happy I’m okay, and my dad will just give me the look...and probably a hug. “  The other eyebrow joined its twin, he looked rather skeptical,” Taking inventory?”

I let out an annoyed sigh,”I have 3 different….entities with different feelings and instincts running around inside me right now. I figured, if I am going to stay sane, I should try to keep them all happy and pay attention to them so nothing goes wrong. And knowing us, something will go wrong.”  Derek seemed appeased with that, nodding his head like he was getting it finally. “Okay, that's understandable. But you don’t need to keep checking on my wolf. He really is fine, I’ve lived with him my entire life. I think I know him pretty well by now, and with the bond he is even more comprehensible.” He stopped there, but it felt like there was more to say. Like he wanted to ask me something. I stared at him, hoping he would just give it up….no dice. “What do you want to ask Derek? I can tell there is a question on the tip of your tongue.”

He looked at me, looked away, then looked back at me. He opened his mouth a few times, but he seemed like he was having trouble finding the words. (who would have figured Derek Hale has a problem using his words haha). He forced out a sigh, “What do you keep doing that has him all happy and giddy like he is in the middle of a field playing with butterflies?”

I just stared at him because I was trying to envision this big black wolf, frolicking in the preserve. Oh god, it is precious. I let out a few giggles which made him glare at me. I patted his arm and tried not to look at him like he was the most precious thing ever. “Okay so the shortest way to explain it is, my spark looks like the sun. Big, bright, glowing sun. Inside the sun is a red, fiery looking ball, which is the Alpha power. Your wolf, actually looks like orange swirls that are wrapped around my spark….like it's a blanket. A good blanket though. Like, literally a security blanket. Its swirls around the spark, to protect it. Now every time I approach it and keep in mind this is all in my head basically, but every time I approach it, the swirls kinda glow at me. Like a pulse of happyness. So I kinda take my mind hand and give it a brush. Which makes it pulse a couple more times. So that's probably what you are feeling. If you don’t like it, please tell me now and I will stop. I don’t want you to feel...violated or anything along those lines.” I let my hand fall to my sides, didn’t even realize I was talking with them. Derek swallowed so hard I could see it in his throat. He stayed silent for a minute. I just looked at him patiently. I realized that he thinks about what he says so it's doesn’t get misinterpreted. Which is why he probably doesn’t talk much. Huh. All kinds of revelations today. His voice cut through my epiphany. 

“It's not that I don’t like it, I do like it. Alot. It feels rather, comforting. You could even say calming. I’m just not...used to it. To me, when you do it, I feel these...pulses of giddyness? Like Positivity and everything will be just fine. They just startled me the first time you did it. But you don’t have to stop, its not a bad thing.” He finally looked up and connected with my eyes. I knew I had the biggest grin on my face and I couldn’t even help it. “Aww Der, if it makes wolfy feel like playing with butterflies in a sunny field, it is my duty to do it often then. I’ll make sure you frolic at least twice a day.”   

“Shut up Stiles.” I didn’t even let that phase me. I just looped my arm into his and said,”Well, might as well get this over with. The sooner we go out there the sooner I can sleep for 2 days.” He nodded and grabbed the door so I could go through first. 

I made sure he was right beside me as we walked down the hall. I know we were both smiling though, I was feeling oddly optimistic about this and I'm sure I was radiating that to him as well. We turned the corner that led to the main room where everyone was waiting. I looked up and immediately caught my dad’s eye. He smiled when he saw me, a real Stilinski happy smile. And I thought {Maybe everything really is going to be okay}

And then Lydia happened. Lydia, my beautiful genius, the strawberry blonde goddess of my life, and of course she had to be the one to fuck it all up. As soon as she saw me, her face screwed up into a hostile rage. She walked as quickly as she could in those heels with her finger pointing in my direction, she started screeching,”Stiles Stilinski, how fucking dare you….” And that was as far as she got. 

It all happened so fast. Derek pushed himself in front of me to let out a roar that rivaled Scott’s, right in her face. I knew my eyes were Alpha Red. I was instantly aware of the Alpha feeling challenged, my Spark was completely offended, and the wolf was damn near feral at the thought someone tried to challenge his Alpha. Lydia tried to scramble back from Derek but really couldn’t due to the heels. Kira managed to catch her plus draw her Katana at the same time, my dad had his gun out and pointed at Derek. And fucking Deaton was just holding a tray of what I assume is mountain ash with the most bored look on his face. I couldn’t even help the outburst of,”God Damn it Lydia! It was going so well.” I put my hand on lightly on Derek’s shoulder, then leaned in to whisper in his ear,”It's okay Derek, I’m fine. Come back to me Derek.” The wolf and him were fighting, I could tell. And of course they were, Derek needed to be in charge, but the wolf was convinced there was a threat. So I tried again, “Its okay, its just Lydia, our packmate. She didn’t mean anything by it, and I need you to stand down.” I’m pretty sure the Alpha voice leaked through because within 30 seconds Derek managed to reverse his beta shift and was just breathing heavy. I closed my eyes and let the Alpha recede, but it wouldn’t. The wolf was calmer, but hackles still raised. My spark was still offended, and the Alpha was still on defense. I figured I’d just have to deal with this and hope the Alpha would calm down once she apologized. I looked up and glared at Lydia, who at least had the decency to look ashamed. 

“For all the genius  you claim to be, that was one of the stupidest stunts you could have pulled. Coming at a brand new Alpha like that? Human or not, it would have ended badly had it been anyone but me or Derek. You should have known that!” 

She looked down and tilted her head to the side, “I’m sorry, it hadn’t really occurred to me to act any different or to see you any different. It won’t happen again Alpha.” The Alpha finally receded back to my chest. Derek returned to where he was at my side, but still giving Lydia the full Hale Eyebrows of Judgement. Kira and my dad lowered their weapons, but I could see his holster was still unbuckled and Kira moved the sheath to her hands instead of returning it to her back. I slumped a little and leaned against Derek. Since the Alpha receded, my spark had calmed down and the wolf wasn’t quite so growly since the weapons were put away. I stood there with my eyes closed and took several deep calming breaths. I pinched the bridge of my nose, I had no idea what to even say. Explain what happened? The rituals? Both? Make Deaton explain it all? In the end I decided that it could all just wait. I looked up at my dad, who's worry lines were all in place. Gone was the Confident Sheriff and in its place was a concerned father. Kira looked lost and anxious, just standing next to Lydia but wouldn’t look up at anyone. And my poor Lydia, stared at the floor, biting her lips, trying to look as small as possible. I let out a resigned sigh. 

“Lydia?”  no answer. “Lydia.” I got a meek “yes?”  I took the few steps to stand in front of her. “Please look at me.” She slowly raised her head to look up at my eyes. I had hoped I was wearing at least a small smile and plain brown eyes, she seemed a little less scared once she saw the red gone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap like that. I had not expected that to happen. Please forgive me, Derek was just reacting to the bond, it was purely instinct for him to do that. But it's essentially my fault. So I am sorry.” She crashed into my torso and hugged me just as tightly as I was hugging her. She was sniffling just a little, and it made me not want to let her go til she wasn’t crying anymore. “Of course I forgive you.” She said it so softly I could barely hear it. I kissed her forehead and took my place back to Derek’s side. I cleared my throat to address the room,”I’m very sorry guys. None of us expected that. Until I have this thing fully figured out, everyone that's not Derek is going to have to watch how they talk to me. I might not be a wolf, but I am tethered to one. I can’t always be with Derek, it could cause serious problems the next time. Because next time, he could be in public, or on the job, or even worse out on a call. I mean, I don’t want anyone walking on eggshells either. This is something I have to work on because there are all kinds of way I could get upset like that. But for right now….” I trailed off.

Derek broke the silence,”You mostly just need to think about how you are going to phrase things. Arguing is not going to happen. Nor is it a good idea to challenge his authority. Say things as a request or a question. Demanding Stiles do something or blatantly ignoring him or his rules is just going to make the Alpha in him irritated. So yes Lydia, things are going to have to be a little different. Stiles isn’t your friend as much as he is your Alpha. At least until he can control it.” 

My dad looked really sad at this. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him the entire time Derek was talking. I walked over to where he was, but stopped 2 steps away because I had no idea how he was going to react. But I still needed to know,”Do you...are you….Do you hate me now?” He looked shocked, and silent. Which made me ramble a little more,”I mean, I just, would understand if you can’t deal with this.” And I would have, because there come a point when it all becomes too much to handle. He took the 2 steps towards me, in a slow deliberate manner, I looked up at his face, when he put his hands on my shoulders. “Son, the only thing I hate right now, is the fact that I won't be able to negotiate my way out of a salad for a while.” I let out a startled laugh and hugged him tightly. He whispered in my ear, “You are my son, and I love you more than anything else in this world. You completely have my support and I will do whatever you need me to do.”  He released me, but kept his hands on my shoulders,”That being said, I would really really really like you to keep doing your chores, please.” We both let out a few chuckles. It made me feel so much better, because if he is making jokes then it really will be okay between us. 

Deaton’s throat clearing cut through our little bubble, we both gave the doctor our full attention. “Now, everything I had planned on informing everyone on has already been said. Stiles and Derek are absolutely correct, so please, heed their words. This would be an excellent time to do the pack oath. Derek is already recognized as pack through the bond. So, Mr. Stilinski, if you would please do so. I would recommend starting with your father, then Lydia, then Kira. This will allow you to become acclimated to the bonds as you introduce more of the supernaturally inclined.”

I nodded in agreement. I pulled the paper out, honestly I knew it by heart but figured it’d still be a good idea to have it on hand..just in case I get overwhelmed or something. “Okay, so you guys will kneel before me, I will be putting my hand on the side of your neck. After you say I accept, you guys will feel the bond forming. Any Questions?”  Of course Dad had questions. “Is that all I need to do? Just say I accept?”

“Well after I say the oath, yes. “

“Will it hurt?”

I looked at Deaton because I honestly didn’t know. He replied,”Not even a little bit.”

Dad, Kira, and Lydia all nodded or smiled. I turned and focused on my dad again. He groaned as he got on his knees, muttering about being an old man or something. I smiled and waited for him to look back up to me. He nodded he was ready. I cleared my throat, and stated in the steadiest voice I could manage.

 

“I, Stiles Stilinski, ask you, John Stilinski, to accept a place in my pack. With this acceptance comes loyalty, strength, safety, and family. If you accept, you will have a responsibility to be loyal to myself, as well as your packmates. To come together in times of peace and war. To help a struggling packmate in anyway you can. To trust that I will take care of you, to the best of my abilities. Do you accept?” For the three seconds it took for him to respond, I thought my heart was going to be jump out of my chest from nerves. I kept my eyes closed, til I heard my father’s beautiful, strong voice say,”I accept.” I opened my eyes, let out the breath I was holding and put my hand on the side of his neck and imagined the bond between us. 

Dad gasped at the same time I felt the Alpha power pulse. I knew instinctively when it was formed completely and steadied him before he fell over. I helped him to his feet and we hugged again. I knew he would accept but damn did I feel some serious relief hearing it out loud. We broke apart, both of us wiping our eyes. It was an emotional experience. You may know in your head that you aren’t alone in the world, but this bond you can feel it. And it's truly a beautiful way to go about life, know you are connected to people that want nothing more than to see you at your happiest. Dad stood up and walked over to stand by Derek. 

Lydia moved forward to the spot he just left. Before she could kneel down, I grabbed her elbow and pulled her into a hug. I could tell she needed it. She wrapped her thin arms around me and squeezed with everything she had. I whispered in her ear, “I am still sorry about that. I know you aren’t completely okay yet, but I hope you will be soon. I need you with me on this.” She gave a dramatic exhale, “Stiles, I will be okay. I guess, I just need to stop seeing you as this boy that catered to my every whim and start seeing you as the amazing man you are. You are going to be an incredible leader.” I thanked her, and kissed her cheek. She smiled, wiped her eyes, and knelt down. When she accepted, the same thing happened. She let out a soft,”Oh.” of surprise. Her bond felt different than my dads. I just figured it was because she wasn’t completely human. I helped her stand and we embraced again. I could feel her trembling a bit. I knew it had to be different than the pack bond she had with Scott. But it still felt amazing to be connected again. She stopped trembling and pulled away. She kissed my cheek as a single tear rolled down her face. She stepped away to stand beside my dad. 

Kira placed her katana on Deaton’s exam table before she came to stand in front of me. I reached out to squeeze her shoulder,”You sure you still want to do this? You know you don’t have to.” She stayed silent for just a moment before squaring her shoulders and looking me in the eye,”I know I don’t have to. I want to. I need this. I want this just as much as you do. You guys have been my life for years. The reason I get up every morning. The reason I train for hours every day. The reason I have been reading every book in my house. The reason I fought against going back to New York.  I have never had friends like you. And I doubt I ever will again. Some of you are even the reason I am still alive. How could I ever live with you?” And dear god, as if I haven’t cried enough. I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight to me. She pulled back, wiped her eyes, and with the brightest smile exclaimed,”I am ready to do this.” She knelt down in front of me, and I no sooner got to say,”Do you accept?” that she blurted out,”I accept.” Like she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She didn’t say anything when the bond formed. Not even an “Oh”. But when I helped her to her feet, she said,”Thank you Stiles. It feels so relieving to be apart of you guys again.” I wiped my own tears with the back of my hands, trying to steady my voice,”I know that Kitsunes don’t run in packs, but they do run in family units. And nothing would make me happier than for us to be that for you.” I don’t know what I was expecting her to say but it most certainly wasn’t “Oh Stiles, you have been apart of my family unit for years. The only difference now is that you have red eyes. I can’t promise complete obedience. But I can promise complete loyalty.” I chuckled,” I know better than expect obedience. It's just not the way of a fox. But I’ll accept you in any form you come to me in.” She hugged me again, and I rubbed my face along her cheek and neck. When she backed away, I felt so much lighter and less stressed, just calmer in general. 

I grabbed a chair and sat down though. “I just need a minute. You guys only had to do that once, I did it 3 times and two soul bonding rituals. I just need a minute to just be.” I closed my eyes and rested my head in my palms. Derek came over to sit in the chair next to me. Kira, Lydia, and my dad were talking to Deaton, normally I would have wanted in on the conversation, but I was just too tired to care. After a few minutes, I felt the Alpha simmer down to a quiet contentment. My Spark was still a little giddy from the all the pack member bonds but not enough to distract me from all that I still needed to do. And Derek, well, he was just cool as a cucumber. The wolf laid in the sun in quiet happiness. After about 15 minutes I felt good enough to get on with our evening. Deaton looked over, when I stood up. I gave him a nod that all was good. He beckoned me over to his desk. “Mr. Stilinski, this book is the journal of another Spark who held an Alpha’s power just as you. She did the same rituals as well. I believe it will help you a great deal. I have a couple more that I manage to procure but this one seems the best to start you off with.” It was obviously a very old journal. Leather bound with yellowing pages. I thought it was quite beautiful. Deaton handed me a second Journal, this one obviously newer. It was a black pleather bound, and quite thick as well. “This is a blank journal, I would greatly appreciate if you would write down everything that happened tonight, as well as, anything else that may happen. How you felt about it, what instincts come up. I don’t expect personal details. I don’t need you to write daily or about your daily life. Just how your spark, Alpha Power, and bond to Derek reacts to situations. Or things you can do, anything and everything that will help the next Spark. And also, because you are making a mark in history that should be recorded. I hope you understand, this is a big moment in our world. No, you may not be mentioned in a normal history class, but down the road the next druid may use your journal to teach sparks and reference you and your decisions. Please keep that in mind.” I nodded with wide eyes. I hadn’t thought about it that way. I guess it's obvious seeing as how this is the first time in 100 years it's been done. “Thank you Doc. I appreciate everything you have done tonight. For me and for the pack.” He returned with a polite smile,”You are quite welcome. I will be calling you in a few days to set up a meeting to discuss anything else that may come up. I wrote my personal cell phone number on a post it in the back of the blank journal. If something happens, or you need to contact me right away, please call that number. I only ask you not give it to anyone at all. Please memorize it, then burn it. Do not put it in your phone or write it down somewhere else.” 

“Um okay. Should I be worried about someone trying to get that information from me?”

“No, I don’t believe so. But we all have enemies and I would like to maintain my low profile.” 

“Well, okay doc. I will do that tonight. And you have my number as well if you should think of anything that I need to know.” 

“Very good. On a personal note, I’d just like to say, you have done a wonderful job tonight Stiles. Not many people would be as graceful about all this as you have been. There are many things that could have gone wrong tonight, but you have navigated all of this remarkably well. I think you will do great things with this power.”

“Oh jesus Deaton, I just got done crying. I appreciate the compliment. It's good to know that I am not completely fucking this thing up already. I think it's time for us to get out of your hair though. I got a loft of puppies waiting for me. I will speak to you again soon though.”

I walked over to my dad and gave him another hug. Mostly because I wanted to, but partly because I was trembling from what Deaton had said. Dad and I made plans for Sunday dinner, he also invited Kira and Lydia over as well. Both ladies gave him a hug because he is just so awesome like that. He had to leave to go to work after that. On his way out I noticed he stopped by Derek’s chair for to chat. I didn’t get any weird or negative vibes from Derek so hopefully whatever it was, it wasn’t about anything bad.  I asked Kira and Lydia to go to the loft ahead of us. I just needed like 15 minutes to collect myself before dealing with a couple of overactive puppies. As soon as I knew that the girls with gone from the parking lot, I promptly collapsed into a chair, “I’m fucking exhausted Doc. Did the other sparks feel like this?”

He chuckled,”Yes actually. You will probably sleep away most of tomorrow. They also needed to spend the first couple days with their anchor. I would suggest you two stay together for the next three days at least.”

I snorted and told Derek that I hope he likes watching movies, because it's gonna be a Star Wars weekend. He shot back,”Excited, I am.” I smiled at him, because if it wasn’t Derek, this whole thing would have been a disaster. He filled me with optimism and positivity. Definitely going to have to make him frolic in the metaphorical fields this weekend. 

 

After managing to calm down and feel confident enough to deal with all the others, we climbed into the Toyota like it just another day. I waited until after he pulled out and there was no traffic to open my mouth. “So, I’d like your opinion on something.” He gave me a hard side eye and grunted,”Okay.”

 

“What do you think about what Deaton said about Scott leaving?”  Derek’s bitch face dropped. I guess he thought it was going to be a normal silly Stiles question. He stayed quiet, but I could tell he was thinking about it. Finally he let out a deep sigh,”Honestly Stiles, I don’t know. I’ve been spending the last few weeks feeling so hostile towards him, it never occurred to me that there was an explanation. Like there's something bigger going on that we don’t know about. Which if that is the case, then I’m terrified.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it must be truly terrible if Scott thought that it was better to not be with his pack. Pack means you have strength and support. If he left, then whatever is going on must directly involve him. And he must think we don’t stand a chance.”

 

I let that sink into my brain for a minute. Turning it over and thinking of all the angles to such a theory. We pulled into the warehouse parking lot five minutes later. Derek turned off the vehicle but made no move to get out yet. “Can they hear us talking out here?” I asked. 

 

“Hmm, Brett probably could if he really focused.”

 

“Okay well, I just want to say this and then we are going to put a hold on this conversation till we can really talk about it.” Derek nodded in agreement. “IF you are right, and I pray that you are absolutely wrong, then we need to find out WHAT made him so frantic. Because there’s a chance that we could still be targets even if he isn’t here.” Derek nodded again, he understood better than most what I was getting at. 

I started to get a little jittery getting into the elevator. I brushed it off as nerves but now I’m wondering if Derek is slightly claustrophobic. We walked into the loft and instead of hearing Liam and Brett bickering, or Lydia ordering people around, it was silent. Weirdly, awkwardly silent. 

 

“Hey guys.” I called out. Everyone rose slowly and walked towards me slowly, with their hands clasped in front of them. I looked at Derek and he was just as startled as I was. “Ha, I’m pretty sure I saw a cult movie that started out like this. Did we adopt a religion and forget to tell me?” Still silent. After looking at all of them and then at Lydia, I finally figured out that she must have told them what happened. And honestly, it annoyed the fuck out of me, because now my friends, my packmates, are acting like they are scared of me. I blurted out,”Oh for fucks sake. This is just unnecessary. You do not have to act like meek little creatures. You are freaking wolves. Lydia fucked up and got in my face. And got bit in the ass because of her own attitude. I’m still the same geeky Stiles I was yesterday.”

 

No one said anything for a moment, instead just looked at each other. Mason finally spoke up,”See, I told you guys that this was a little dramatic.” And I laughed, because Mason has always been the level headed one. Liam said,”Thank god. I knew I was going to mess up if we had to continue like this.” I reached out to ruffle his hair. He batted my hand away muttering “damn it Stiles.”  

I looked around the room and figured we might as well get this shit done,”All right, let's get this party started. So here’s how it works,you kneel down in front of me, I say a little pledge, you say I accept, I put my hand on your neck, and voila! Pack bonds. Any questions?” 

 

Mason looked perplexed,”No biting?”

 

I shook my head at him with a smile. No one else even seemed phased by this,”Alright, let's go into the dining room. Liam, you are up first.” He walked beside me into the room, I couldn’t help but put my hand on his shoulder,”Hey, it's gonna be okay.”   He nodded,”Sorry I’m just nervous.” I stopped where we were. He turned around to face me, rubbing the back of his neck. I asked,”Do you want to tell me why? I don’t want to do this if you don’t want to. Actually, I don’t think the bond will form if you truly don’t want to.” He looked at the floor in silence. I stared at him, I knew I could wait him out. 

 

“What if I hurt you?” and honestly I did not expect that.

 

“Why would you hurt me? Well how I guess anyways? What are you thinking about little man?”

 

“Well….remember the dread doctors and the supermoon? What if something like that happens again?”  

 

And now it makes sense. “Liam, that was 2 years ago, and you were still a very new wolf. You have gained so much more control since then. That was such a unique set of circumstances, that I truly do not think it's anything we need to worry about. Besides, Derek has to be close to me at all times, so worst case scenario, he puts your ass down or I flash the Alpha eyes and make you calm down.” 

 

He sagged in relief. “So there are some backup plans in place?”

 

“Absolutely bud, I am as safe as one could be little man. You are by far not the first person to fuck up in this pack. And I am fully aware that there will be more fuck ups….Most of them will probably be my fault too.”  He accepted that and turned back into the playful puppy he usually is, thank god. Because I didn’t know how much more talking out of my ass I could do. He beamed at me and exclaimed,”Alright, let's do this then.” he even did a fist pump. 

 

I put my hand on his shoulder and told him to kneel. When he accepted the oath, I thought it might be a little like Kira’s. Maybe a little more intense. But it was actually better than that. It was like, this bone deep rightness. The Alpha power pulsed 10x brighter than with Kira. I was immediately insync with Liam’s wolf. It wasn’t as intense as Derek’s bond, but I just knew his wolf. As if the Alpha power had been waiting to make a connection with him. Liam’s eyes flared impossibly bright for just a moment before he fell to the side. I stumbled back into Derek’s chest. Brett and Mason ran to Liam’s side to help him up. We both took a minute to reorient ourselves, we looked up at the same time and locked eyes. Both our eyes watered up. It felt so right, so beautiful, it was the most intense bond created so far. Liam blurted out,”Holy Shit!” before running to me for a tight hug. I rubbed my face along his and just held him till he was done shivering. As we stepped back, I looked back at Derek. He was slightly hunched over, hands, well claws, because he was in beta shift, on his knees. I could tell he was taking deep breaths so that was good. “Der?” he just shook his head when I tried to take a step forward. 

I dived down into myself to check his bond and WOW. I thought orange swirls  ‘WOOHOOed’ whenever I brush them? Pfft, this was like….i don't even know. The ‘woohoo’ I get is like a children's party, but this woohoo was like being at a rave. Orange swirls burned almost brighter than the alpha power. Thicker, brighter, and going so fast It was like a blur. Tentatively I reached out to brush against them just to see if I could get a read on him. I gave the swirls a soft,”hi” and what I got back was,” PACK! HAPPY! RUN! PLAY! PACK! HAPPY! SCENT! ALPHA! HAPPY! PLAY!” 

Oh, thats when I realized it would only make sense for Derek’s pack bonds to be more intense as well. Deciding that he was fine, I went past the orange swirls, briefly checking on the size of my spark, which was A-Okay and possibly bigger? I continued on to the Red Alpha Ball. I had to think a lot about how I was going to describe it, and what to name them. The only word that comes close to what the bonds are like in the Alpha is “pings” These pings were white. I knew each one without even thinking about it. Dad’s ping, wasn’t very bright. I could tell he was okay, it's just because he is human. Kira’s ping was brighter than my dads. It felt, okay but not okay. Physically she was just fine, emotionally she wasn’t. I just wanted to reassure her everything was alright so I kinda brushed her ping (god that sounds dirty) with a gentle caress of peace. Her ping didn’t feel off after that, I got back a pulse of contentment. So yeah, there's that. 

Then I got to Lydia’s ping. However, hers was grey. I shivered mentally approaching it. The aura around her ping was a feeling of….melancholy? Macabre? Her ping, itself, told me the same thing Kira’s did. Okay but not okay. But for whatever reason I couldn’t give her the same happy vibe I gave to Kira. It just wouldn’t accept it. Definitely going to fuck with it when I have time and Lydia is right beside me. Now, Liam’s ping. WOW. It is super bright and kinda vibrating, but just oh so slightly. The brush against his ping was like...happy roly poly puppy? I can’t say weird because this whole freaking this is weird. But definitely different than the others. Satisfied with things so far I came back up to reality. 

 

I opened my eyes, and of course they were tinted red. I rubbed them, trying to get the Alpha to simmer down. I called out,”Sorry for checking out on you guys like that. How long did I space out for?” When I didn’t get an answer, I opened one eye to see what the problem was. They all looked bewildered. “What? Cat got your tongue?” Kira finally spoke up,”What do you mean when you say checking out? Like how long your eyes were closed?” I nodded, not liking where this was going. She responded, “ You only had them closed for like 30 seconds.”

“Oh.”

“Um, Stiles. . . Can I ask what you did? Like to our bond?”

“Oh god. What did you feel? It was supposed to be..like..”

“Reassurance?”

“Uh, yeah actually.”

“Okay. Um, it felt nice though. Like it didn’t bother me in a bad way. It was like a...special little something from my Alpha. So, um, I don’t mind at all.”

“Good! Good! I’m glad that something managed to go right. That was totally the point. Awesome. I'm gonna keep that trick handy.”

 

I looked back to Derek, who had shift back to human features. I smiled, but before I could even say anything he growled out,”Not a word!” His face blushed a deep red all the way to his ears. Again, he is just so precious. I just raised my hands in defeat,”Whatever you want...silly puppy.” He looked mortified. I turned away before he could retort. Liam was standing between Brett and Mason with the biggest, cheesiest smile. I held out my hand to him to pull him into another bone crushing hug. I rubbed my face on his cheeks, along his jaw, then up to his ear, then through his hair line. Wolves may not be able to purr, but the rumbly chest thing was pretty darn close. I couldn't blame him though. Our bond was an amazing feeling that magnified when we were touching. When we broke apart, Mason stepped forward and asked if he could be next. I smiled and nodded. His enthusiasm is contagious sometimes. Liam stepped back to stand beside Brett, while Mason kneeled in front of me. He gave me his brightest smile and I returned it. When he accepted, I expected it to feel like my dads bond. Nope. This bond was about as intense as Kiras. He let out a soft “oh” when he felt the bond forming. I could totally understand the feeling. Being a human, it's hard to run with the other creatures. But the bond just makes you remember that you really are a part of something bigger, larger than life. I helped Mason stand and hugged him as well. Holding him close, I whispered,”Welcome to the pack Mason.” He squeezed me back a little tighter. We stood together for a few long minutes. It's a very emotional moment, I remembered the first time I felt the bond. Scott appeared at my window within 5 minutes with a smile like he won the lottery. We spent the night cuddling( he insists it was scenting) and watching Marvel movies in my bed. Of course he had to apologize to Kira for randomly smiling like a lunatic and running off on her. Of course he forgot his phone. So I had to tell her where he was and he was to deep into his puppy scenting to talk. I took pictures, we thought it was adorable. 

Still smiling from the happy memories, I rubbed my face along Mason’s shoulder and neck. After a little longer, he finally let go and stepped back. He slid his hands down my arms and clasped my hands. “Thank you Stiles. So much. It means a lot.” His eyes were watery, but he wiped them before any tears could fall. I know I had a few tears fall and didn’t care. I just replied,”Of course Mason. I needed you in this pack just as much as you wanted to be.” Mason gave my hands another squeeze of gratitude before stepping back to stand beside Liam. I looked back to check on Derek, who at some point sat down at the table. He gave me a small head nod, just a quick gesture to show he was fine. I shot him a quick smile, then turned to Brett. But, Brett was hesitating. Which was fine, it's a big deal to take on a new Alpha and pack. I stayed where I was and put on a patient face. He had to come to me. The human part of me wanted to walk up to him and talk but the Alpha’s instincts were stronger. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally stepped forward. Now I felt (allowed?) to talk,”Do you have any questions? Comments? Concerns?” He shook his head. “Answer out loud please.” He looked at me, straight in the eye and said,”No.” I looked back at Derek. His eyebrows were furrowed, he eyes on Brett, like he was calculating whether he was honest or not. I looked back to Brett,”If Derek has to think about whether you are being completely truthful then chances are you lied in some way.” Brett stared at his feet, biting his lip, like he was struggling with himself. He glanced up and looked around at all the people in the loft. I understood immediately. I’ve done it myself a million times. I turned to face Lydia,”Lydia, will you please take everyone upstairs to watch a movie? You should try the new surround sound system while you are at it.” She was clearly unhappy, but knew better than to argue with me. With a huff, she said,”Fine.” like a petulant child. She headed for the stairs, making it half way up before she realized Mason and Liam hadn’t followed her. “Boys!” Insert pointed Lydia Ashley Martin eyebrow raise, “Follow me please.” Brett looked behind him and nodded to his friends. Mason kissed his cheek and Liam trailed a hand across his back. 

Before Lydia took another step, I called out to her,”Oh and Lydia, anything but The Notebook. I think we need a good action movie with lots of explosions.” Her lips pursed like she had sucked on a lemon. With a dramatic huff, she continued up the stairs. Once I saw the door shut to the den I looked back to Derek, who was no longer at the table but walking to stand beside me. 

 

“Alright, what's going on Brett? And don’t try to tell me nothing, because this is clearly something.”

 

Brett ran his fingers through his hair,”How many more times am I gonna have to change Alphas? How many more of my friends and family are going to die? First it was Satomi, then Scott, now you guys. Stiles isn’t even a real Alpha. He is a spark connected to a wolf because there’s too much magic for his body to handle. What if something happens to Derek? Fuck, what if something happens to Scott? Will you still be an Alpha? Or are we going to have to find someone else?!” The way he looked at me, to anyone else, it would have been seen as defiant, but I knew it was something else entirely. Fear. He was terrified. And just wow. I thought for sure he was done, at this point Derek and I just stood there. I started formulating a response when he started pacing. I just stopped thinking because, personally if I pace, I’m gearing up for a rant. Brett obviously needed to get this out of his system and we can’t move forward til he is done. He stopped pacing and looked at me, like he was totally lost. 

 

“I mean, Jesus, maybe I should just take Lor and run. Liam and Mason were brought into this knowing they were going to fight bad guys all the time. But there’s a reason you didn’t know about the rest of us. We kept our heads down, covered our scent, learned total control, and oh yeah, we didn’t sleep with hunters!” 

 

And that's when I felt Derek’s wolf let out the most pitiful whine in a very dark corner. I knew he was talking about Scott and had no idea about Derek and Kate. But fuck, I was just so mad I had to stop him right there. 

 

“Brett!” Also the first time using the Alpha voice, was kinda cool. He went ramrod straight and still. Like frozen. Taking a deep breath I tried to figure out how to approach this. Alpha or Friend...Friend, yeah, friend would go over much better. Because I am not his alpha yet. I let go of the Alpha voice and eyes. I took the few steps to where he was standing,”Brett?” He looked at me through his lashes because otherwise he would be showing defiance to an Alpha. Smart puppy I thought. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to use the Alpha voice on you. That was the first time I did it, and it just slipped out.” 

He lifted his head to study my face. Making sure I was sincere maybe? He sighed,”It's okay. I shouldn’t have said that. My sister and I are alive because of you guys.” He took a deep breath and let out a slow exhale. I used the five seconds of quiet to brace myself.

“Listen, why don’t we sit down? We can talk for however long you need to, and ask any all questions you have. Regardless of your decision, I will respect it and we will still be friends. Come on.” I grabbed his hand, gave it a gentle tug towards the table. I let out a breath when he followed me and sat down across from me. Derek got up to get drinks for us, and Brett seemed to calm down a little. I guess sitting down was a good idea. I was hoping that it might make things go better. 

 

“Okay Brett, I am going to be very clear here. As an Alpha, I want you in my pack. As your friend, I want you to make the decision that will make you happy. As your friend I want to help you figure out what will make you happy. So I need you to be completely honest with me and tell me what the actual problems/issues/concerns you have right now.” And the ensuing silence wasn’t awkward at all. I wanted to give him a few to collect his thoughts, but I also really wanted to make him pack. Like right now. He finally straightened in his chair. He looked at me, then to Derek, then back to me. 

 

“I don’t want Lor to get hurt. She is way to young. She was fine before with not getting involved in anything. But after she saw Kira and Scott, she wants to be a warrior to. And if that happens eventually, like when she is 18 and took every martial arts class, gun training, and Hunger Game Prep Course I would...tolerate it. But she is 12. She should be watching Disney and dealing with mean history teachers that assign homework on the weekends. Not running to fight whatever supernatural crisis of the week is happening.”  He just stopped right there. I think he actually forgot to breath during his rant. Which I totally get because I have def done that several times. I waited for him to catch his breath and waited even longer to hear anything else he might say, but all I got back was silence. 

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” I asked. He looked like he was thinking but answered no. Derek looked skeptical but relaxed after a moment. I muttered “okay” a few times, maybe had some slight flailing going on, and possibly pulled out a few hairs while thinking of what to say to him. 

“Okay well I want to talk about what you said earlier first.”

“What, you aren’t even gonna say anything about Lor?”

“I figured we’d put all the issues into the open then we can talk about each one. By putting the issues in the open, we won’t forget to talk about them because there is definitely going to be opinions. And well nobody can stop themselves when they want their opinion heard. So is that cool?”

“Yeah, it makes sense. Different way of doing things but when are things ever normal here?”

I just shrugged and Derek gave him a “What can ya do?” face. 

 

“Well first off, I’m sorry you haven’t had a steady, stable Alpha for a couple years. That must be really hard on you, especially because you love being around...other weres you care for. I’m sorry, I’m not a real Alpha wolf. I wouldn’t blame you  if you felt that this wasn't right for you, given all the things that can go wrong. Unfortunately for the rest of them, I am the only option left. Liam was bit into a supernatural clusterfuck with the most ridiculous circumstances in a situation that was horrifying for us all. So he is used to weird, while you are used to traditional and rightfully so I might add.” I took a moment for some air and a drink. And to stall what was coming.

He muttered,”It's not really a big deal.”

“Well, uh, it seemed like it was 10 minutes ago. Or it's at least crossed your mind a few times maybe? And its kinda an off the wall deal, I’m sure we have all thought about it a few times.”

I kinda internally cringed, because me being tactful is usually a disaster. Brett tried to stammer out a response. I reached across the table to squeeze his hand. “Take a few minutes to figure out how to say whatever it is. I want to check on my pings anyways.” He seemed relieved and just nodded in response. One more sip of water, then I dove down into my rabbit hole. The “journey seems shorter every time. Orange swirls calmed down, I brushed up against a few though. I got a very happy/elated vibe back. My spark had grown again...awesome…

Dad-good. Lyds-IDEK. Kira-okay. Liam-Content. Mason-Okay, not okay.    Happy vibes? No not happy. It feels like I need the precise emotion, not just happy/sad. Optimistic Vibes? Yeah, alright,  optimistic is good. Happy would imply all is going well and he is joining the pack and it's kinda to early for that. I don’t want to get his hopes up, especially if this doesn’t work out tonight. So optimistic it is. I came back up to reality and checked my phone. Not even a minute. That is going to be highly useful. I was going to tell Derek, when I realized he was no longer beside me. Brett interjected,”Bathroom.” before I could have a meltdown. I actually forgot he was there, too focused on the fact that Derek was gone. Derek walked briskly back in and sat down before I could even tell Brett thanks. I also didn’t quite miss the fact that he was pressed up against as much of me as possible. Which I was not complaining about because something in my chest loosened when he came back. 

 

I turned my attention back to Brett, he looked at both of us before speaking again,”When I first heard what was going to happen, I….I didn’t freak out but it was just a really weird solution. I knew what kind of pack Scott ran when I joined. I told him that I would help out with anything except battles. I can do recon, perimeter check, intimidation, whatever. But I can’t risk leaving Lor alone. And it was okay to me, because he is a True Alpha. But you, you are human. So not only are we down an Alpha werewolf, we are also down Malia. Two of the packs best fighters. Things are okay now, but we are all waiting for “animal attacks” to happen again. So yes, my mind went down a very dark path. Then after talking about it, I was okay. But when I saw Liam hesitation to, all those dark thoughts popped right back up. I’m sorry.” And he truly did look contrite. 

 

“Thank you Brett. Your apology, while appreciated, is not necessary. I’m glad we are doing this now, rather than in a week or two. Bad thoughts like that have a way of festering and poisoning everything good in life. And you are absolutely right.” Brett and Derek both gave me WTF looks. 

“Uh thanks?” Brett Stuttered, “But uh, what exactly am I right about?”

 

“Well, for one, Satomi’s pack did stay off the grid remarkably well. If it hadn’t been for the dead pool, we never would have found out about your pack. To be honest, I have no idea what we will do if something happens to Scott or Derek. There was so much going on, and everything happened so fast, we really didn’t have time to ask those kind of questions. It was just more important to make me an Alpha to stabilize everyone. But as far as Derek goes, I don't think we need to worry that much. This man has survived more life threatening situations that anyone should ever find themselves in. Plus, Lydia’s powers haven’t led us astray so far. I just don’t think they would say he’s perfect for me...well as my anchor if anything was going to happen.”

 

Brett suddenly lifted an eyebrow and leered at me,”They said he is perfect for you eh? I can see that.”

 

And omg I was fucking floored. I couldn’t even form a real word. I was thankful Derek chimed in with,”Perfect for the ritual. Like the perfect anchor, but more like partnership.”

 

“Partnership!” Brett looked incredulous, “You may want to recheck that because your scent plus your heart rate does not go with the story you guys are trying to sell. And I’ve never heard anyone say anything  so I don’t really understand, why you guys are playing obtuse. You both reek of affection for each other and lust for that matter. No one is going to object to it, if you are worried about pack dynamics. And here’s the proof, Mason just texted me to say Don’t say a damn word, we have a betting pool for when they….oh…” Brett finally looked up from his phone. We were both shocked, jaws dropped, and redder than tomatoes. He rapidly looked back and forth between me and Derek before standing up. “Um, well, at least you won’t be pining for each other anymore? Its mutual. So, I’m gonna go let Lydia beat me with her stilettos. We can finish this later.” And with that he ran out of the room, leaving me and Derek by ourselves at the table. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the long wait, my writing process is just kind of insane and typing it up, then editing it, and then rewriting it again takes a while. I have alot of this story written down, it just takes time to type it all up.


	8. How Stiles got his groove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so incredibly sorry it has taken this long to update this. And the crazy part is I have like another 20-some pages wrote out, but I have to just get it all typed up. :/ Anyways Enjoy!

We watched Brett run out of the room, neither of us had made a sound yet. We were just sitting there, staring at the table, so I had to open my mouth first of course, “Do you think he will be okay for one more night without an alpha?” Derek turned to look at me and just dumbly nodded his head. Which was exactly the answer I was looking for.

“Good because we have 2 minutes or less til Lydia comes looking for us. Wanna get the fuck outta here?”

Derek immediately responded,”Yes.”

We jumped out of our seats in a mad scramble to find our stuff. I sent Liam a text that said “2 min head start plz.” I hadn’t even gotten to put my phone back in my pocket when he replied “2 late”

“Shit.” I huffed. Derek looked over at me, but we heard Lydia screeching my name somewhere above us. I redoubled my efforts to get my sneakers on but Derek scooped up me and my sneakers, threw me over his shoulder, and ran out of the apartment. Which okay, looking back, was a really smart idea. I figured that once we got into the elevator he would set me back down on my own two feet, however once he pushed the button for the main floor, he just stood there. With me still on his back. Like if i didn’t already know he was a werewolf I probably would have gotten a complex the way I was just hanging there like his own human sized backpack.

“Dude, you gonna put me back down?” I asked after we went down 2 floors and he still hadn’t moved. I heard a small,”Oh.” and was set back on my feet like an actual functioning human being.

“Sorry.” He apologized as he handed me back my shoes. I just rolled my eyes, cuz freaking really and put my other shoe on.  
“What, did you just forget you had a full sized human being thrown over your shoulder?”

“Kinda.” I heard him reply. I could actually hear the wince in his voice. Also, super strength is so freaking hot though.

“Seriously?” I asked, because I needed to know if he could hold me up against a wall, for science reasons.

“I guess I got one hell of a power boost?” Derek said, shrugging his shoulders. Like it ain't no big freaking deal being able to hold up 160 pounds of teenage boy. I just nodded at him, I had too much racing through my mind. Well no, at a very abrupt point I decided it was too late to care about much.

“Okay, so two questions. One, Where are we going? Because we are running away from your place and Lydia won’t hesitate to go to my dad’s.” I stated.

Derek crinkled his face up like he was thinking, within 5 seconds he had a smirk on his face. “I know where we can go. We just need to stash the toyota somewhere.”

I felt both my eyebrows shoot up, because I did not believe he came up with somewhere to go that quickly. “Oh really? Would you care to enlighten me?”

“Here.” he said.

Which...wait...what?

“Here?” I repeated.

“There are other floors. We just have to take the stairs, not the elevator.” he said. Which wow, so simple I can’t believe I didn’t think of it.

“That's fucking brilliant.”

“Thank you.” he said, shooting me a wide smile.

I smiled back, and basked in the genius of Derek’s plan, also not gonna lie, I may have been turned on a bit.

Side Note: I gotta make sure I am writing in the correct journal at all times. I can not have Deaton reading about how Derek’s smartness makes me want to turn into a gooey mess.

I got to be happy for all of like 30 seconds. That's all it took, just 30 seconds of silence and my traitorous brain had a thought: _What if I am influencing him? Like what if, he just thought I was attractive before, but didn’t actually want me. And my baggage. And my big mouth. And moles everywhere. And now I’m his alpha and he’s my anchor….it's a total power imbalance._

Amidst my turmoil, I vaguely heard my name being called, but my breathing was too fast and loud...Panic Attack. Fuck. I kinda recall being picked up and moved after what felt like an eternity. I had a weird feeling in my chest. The feeling grew and the panic receded slowly. Torturously slow.

“Stiles...Stiles… focus on my voice. Okay breathe with me. In...Out...Stiles breathe….in….out….” Finally I just clenched my eyes closed and followed the feeling down, down, down, til I saw the orange swirls. At first I thought they were choking my spark til I actually felt the swirls. Hugging, guarding, soothing. And I just fell into it. Akin to falling into a pool. And just like falling into a pool, I came up for air finally. I opened my eyes even though they did not want to, and tried to take deep, even breaths.

“Stiles.” Derek called. As soon as I looked up at him, I launched myself at him. I wrapped my legs around his torso and he held me in his lap. I could feel him carding his fingers through my hair.

Just like a toddler, I am. I should look into age play.

Derek’s chuckles brought me out of my thoughts for a moment. “As long as it's not Dark Age Play, I could be into it.”

My eyes popped wide open. “Oh god, please tell me I didn’t say that out loud.” I begged.

“Okay, you didn’t say it out loud. The thought just crossed my mind and I felt like it needed to be verbalized.” He snarked back.

I let out a sigh and just went boneless in his arms. After allowing myself to rest for 5 minutes, I took a peek at the world outside of Derek’s shoulder. I could see black lines running up his arms.

“Thanks for the pain drain.” I mumbled.

“Of course.” he whispered. And of course that's when it happened. I realized that he was actually rocking me, up walking around, rubbing my back with his large warm hand. It was embarrassing as fuck once I realized what was going on. And of freaking course my luck, he must have smelled? Sensed? It.

“Don’t be embarrassed. Considering everything that has happened today, you deserve to be coddled.” He stated matter of factly. Like he didn’t mind one little bit. Damn this man, and all the feels he gives me. He continued,”So what, if it helped that's all that matters.”  
Derek sat down in an oversized chair, that was just big enough that I could have a leg on either side of him. “Want some water?” he offered. I nodded, no way eye contact was happening right now, He handed me the bottle, but of course I was still shaking from the aftershocks, so he still had to help me put the bottle to my lips. After several sips, I managed to stutter out a thanks.

“Of course, that's what i’m here for.” he replied.

Which of course made me scoff. Because of all the reasons Derek is around I really doubted that he wanted the role of caregiver to human, breakable Stiles. “I’m pretty sure that *take care of stiles like he is an overgrown child* wasn’t apart of the job description.” I muttered. It must not have been quiet enough. Because next Derek was running his hands up my arms until my face was cradled in his hands. “Stiles, please look at me.” He asked. Which was literally the last thing I wanted to do at that point in time. I really didn’t want to see the pity written all over his face, but I looked up anyways. His eyes have always been so emotive. Not even just the brows though, I mean the whole shebang. Oddly enough, there was no pity, or disdain, or annoyance, or irritation. Just….fondness? Affection? For me???

“There is a lot more to being an anchor than just taking your power overload. It’s physical, mental, emotional, and everything in between.” He said softly.

“Why didn’t Deaton mention that?”

“Probably because it's not something you need to worry about. Plus, I’m a born wolf. I know more about anchors than anyone else. I knew what was expected of me even before I agreed to do this.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” I said. And it did...and I probably would have figured that out...had I been given a couple days to think and deal.

“And Stiles?”

I looked up, not realizing that our faces were barely an inch apart.

“I am honored to be your anchor. I wanted this from the moment Deaton mentioned it. And I will happily spend the rest of my life doing this for you.”

And of course, I could feel myself tearing up a little, but before even one could fall, I leaned forward to kiss him. Because words could just not express how much I needed him right then. I had only wanted one kiss. Just till we had a chance to talk properly. But then he responded, by pulling me as close to him as possible.

There was no tongue, no grinding pelvises, no feeling up each other’s body. Just a simple and chaste kiss. But it was, hands down, the most intimate kiss I’ve ever experienced. I was panting for air by time he pulled away slightly. He leaned his forehead against mine. I saw his lips curl up into a smile.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” he said. His words startled me out of my reverence.

“Really?” I couldn’t help but ask. I mean...seriously….

“Yes.” And he sounded wrecked. And I just had to hear that breathlessness in his voice again.

“When?” I asked. Because I needed to know. To make sure that this isn’t me projecting my emotions, that I didn’t influence how he feels about me in some way. While it really really would have sucked if that was the case, I would have dealt with it. I heard a hum, like he was thinking. Like he wasn’t sure and I was about to freak out because this was so wrong of me to be on his lap and kissing him when he is under the influence of...something...me?....something.

“I guess the pool, but honestly it was probably before that. My wolf knew long before I did. But the pool, is when my thoughts turned from spastic annoying brat to brave loyal man.”

And wow, that was years ago. “So then, there is no way that I influenced you into this?” I asked.

I felt him go stiff against me, he pulled back out of the hug and looked so...concerned? He put my hand on his chest, right over his heart and said,”You did not influence my emotions in any way except for who you are. I adore your flailing arms, and your smart mouth. I want to know exactly how many moles you have, and where you have them. And then I want to count them all...with my tongue.”

And JESUS, that thought when straight to my dick and I realized I was still in Derek’s lap. “Oh my god. You can’t say that while i'm in your lap. I can’t have a serious conversation when I’m half hard. The pool Derek? REally? That was so long ago. Why didn't you do something before? Why now? Why wait till things are so complicated, to the point where I don’t know where you begin and I end. Or vice versa. And what about Ms. Blake and fucking Braedon with her fucking skills.” and the dick started chuckling. “Why are you smiling like that?” Smiling like he just won the lottery.

“I didn’t realize you were so jealous. And why Malia?” And wow. Okay so quid pro quo. And I can’t even lie because he is a human lie detector. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Malia was...weird. With her turning back and me being possessed, it seemed cruel to turn her away. Especially when she needed to be around humans. To learn human behavior and societal norms and social etiquette. And I guess I was lonely. Really lonely.”

“I understand.” He said after a few moments of silence.  
“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. And the thing is, he did. It was written all over his face. He let out a harsh exhale. “I’m 99% positive Jenn spelled me into being with her. All my memories are a big blur. And Braedon, well I felt defenseless. She had so much ammo and tricks for survival. It just seemed like a good idea. After the Deadpool though, it didn’t feel so frantic.”

And okay. None of that made me feel any better. Like I want to bring Ms. Blake back just so I can kill her again because she was such a disgusting human. And Braedon. UGH

“Well at least fucking Braedon was good for something.” I said disdainfully. Derek looked like he was holding back a smile...and doing a shit job of it as well.

“Why are you so much more...jealous of Braedon? You say her name with such disgust.”

“Because she wasn’t good enough.” I blurted out. And fuck. At least it's the truth. And it's really hard to be embarrassed when Derek is smiling at me like that. I could feel the orange swirls heating up. I continued,” I just thought that she wasn’t right because she is a mercenary, and i'm going to stop talking now.”

“Okay.” He smiled at me.

“Okay?” I said hesitantly.

“Okay.” He never even stopped smiling.

“Alright. So uh...Where are we?” I asked. Looking around from my perch on Derek’s lap. I spotted some decrepit looking furniture and a TV that was made in the early 80s at least.

“In the other loft. I didn’t have time to hide the Toyota. But I did text Lydia and promised to call first thing in the morning, but we need tonight...alone.” He said.

Which was a really good idea because the thought of being away from Derek made me sick to my stomach. “Fuck, I forgot about Jordan again.” And seriously, how does he keep slipping my mind. He was even at the loft when I got there and I didn’t even acknowledge him. I hung my head in shame and Derek pulled me into tight hug.

“Hey, I’m gonna check on my pings. So just kind of brace yourself.” He just rumbled and continued rubbing his face on my shoulder and neck. I closed my eyes and dove down. It wasn’t even 5 seconds this time when I found my spark. The orange swirls were still hugging the ball of energy. I brushed past the swirls, they gave me a very enthusiastic greeting. My spark was bright. Stronger than ever. The alpha power seemed pleased? The first ping was Dad’s, which gave me the impression of content? Maybe? Basically an all is well sign. Lydia’s ping was still grey. I got a melancholy vibe, but that wasn’t how she was feeling. It’s more like that is the vibe of a banshee. Which makes me wonder if the banshee accepted the pack, but not Lydia herself? Will ponder and discuss later.

I moved on to Kira. I got back an okay but she wasn’t completely okay. Like physically fine, but emotionally not so. Lonely, I think? I will have to deal with that immediately. Liam’s ping gave me a vision of a puppy sleeping with its litter mates, all snuggled together. Mason’s ping gave me the same vibe, but not as intense as Liam’s. I was about to turn back, when I noticed one more ping? I was scared. Okay I was terrified for a hot second as I dream close to it. I hoped for the best and brushed up against it. I was dumbfounded for a moment.

This ping is Scott’s, the realization jolted me, which jolted everyone’s pings. I sent apologies and reassurance to everyone else. I stared at Scott’s ping. Do I ignore it? Do I acknowledge it? For some reason it seemed like this choice was really monumental. I brushed up against it, just to see what I would feel. To see how he is feeling? Okay I admit, I'm curious. Deaton got into my head and now I can’t help but wonder if I missed something huge? All his ping told me is, he is alive. But no emotions, although, it didn’t feel like a wall. More like, I had to make the first move? It was my choice whether or not to have a connection with him. I didn’t want to just do it without thinking about it or talking to Derek about it. However, I couldn't just leave it, well him, hanging like that. So I sent a tiny nudge of affection. And I think he sent back patience? Which makes me really think that maybe Deaton was onto something?

Once I came back to reality and opened my eyes, I asked,”How long has it been since I spoke?”

“Maybe a minute?” He said. I nodded to show I heard him but Scott and Lydia had my mind full (like as per freaking usual right!)

“As much as I hate to do this, I need to make a few calls… and maybe eat?” I said. Derek pulled back from rubbing his face on my neck, but as soon as our eyes met he leaned forward to capture my mouth. It was raw and oh-so-slightly sloppy and the way his tongue explored mine. And the way he tasted. Like he must have been drinking coffee upstairs. We kissed until I felt lightheaded from lack of air. In between gasps I muttered,”I still can’t believe I get to do that with you.”

“I have to keep reminding myself that I can kiss you when I want now.” Derek whispered back.

I tried to stifle a yawn, but he knew exactly what it was. “Are you tired? Like do you want to go to bed soon?” I asked.

“Eventually,” he said,”I have a few more hours left in me I think. What are you thinking about now?”

Sighing, I said,”Well, I need to make some calls. I really need food. Like those nachos from the one gas station that I like. Maybe meet up with Jordan later?”

“Nothing else you want to talk about?” He countered.

I blew a raspberry at him,”Pfft. You know if I'm not on the phone, I will be running my mouth.You did say you liked it.”

“I do. The sound is soothing. Like everything is okay right now.”

And damn Der. Way to melt my freaking heart. At this point I told myself to toughen up and get it together. I cleared my throat.

“Good. So let me make calls then we can venture out for food.”

Derek nodded and I tried to get up from his lap as graceful as I could (I didn’t end up with a new bruise so I'm calling it a win.)

I realized belatedly, that I was in a somewhat submissive position. And I was totally cool with it?  
“Hey, why didn't I feel any sort of challenge with you? You can talk to me as you normally do, and I don't mind having a quote submissive roll unquote with you.” I asked.

“Because I am your equal. Duh.”

“So Lydia wasn’t joking when she called up the alpha pair?”

“Not at all. The alpha mate is expected to talk back. Your mate, me, is supposed to challenge you. To let you know when you mess up. Its to give us equal standing in our relationship.”

My heart actually fluttered at that. And he noticed to, I took a couple steps so I was standing in front of him. “Did I say something you liked?” Derek asked me, eyebrow quirked and a happy glint in his eyes.

“Our relationship? I like it. Alot.”

He grabbed my hips and slotted his mouth against mine. I ran my fingers thru his hair, and enjoyed the moment with everything it had to offer. When he finally cut off the kiss, he was just so beautiful. Like he was glowing happy. I enjoyed it for another moment, then gave his lips one last peck.

“Okay, go shower or do something. You are distracting as fuck. But don't go too far. I don’t like the way it feels.

He looked up from the table he was trying to wipe off. “I can handle that. I'm going to clean up around here. It's been awhile since anyone stayed here.”

The first call was to my dad, who thankfully answered on the third ring even though it's gotta be past midnight. “Hey kid, how you holding up?”

“Uhh, good. Weird, but good. So did you feel any….”

“Vibes of Happiness?” He finished for me.

“Ha! So you did. Did it make you uncomfortable or I don't know….violated?”

“Stiles, why would my son sending me happy vibes make me comfortable? I actually really like it. We can reassure each other that we are just fine any time we want/need to.

I tried not to sniffle, “Thanks dad. You have no idea how relieving that is.”

“Anytime Kid. I love you, you should know that by now.”

“I do know Dad. But everyone has their limits of how much they can deal with. And werewolves banshees, phoenix were never apart of your worries.”

(Silence)

“Dad? You there?”

“Who is a phoenix?” He almost sounds outraged.

“Uh, Parrish actually. But keep it on the DL, it's kinda rude to out people.”

“Huh. Thats neat, like in harry potter?”

“Oh my god, Dad, I love you for that. When he tells you, you can call him Fawks.”

“Will do kiddo. I got some more paperwork to do. Are you coming home tonight or are you staying at Derek’s?” He asked.

“Uh Derek’s, but I’ll be home first thing in the morning. We can do breakfast and talk about everything.”

“Sounds good bud. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night, I love you son.”

“Night Dad, I love you to.”  
Just as I hung up, Derek came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.  
“You don't need to worry so much. Your dad would follow you to the moon and back if he needed to.”

“I know.” I replied flippantly. Derek just gave me a quick squeeze and a scoff.

“I do know. I just don’t want him to…”

“Think of us as monsters if we push him too far?” Derek finished for me.

“Exactly.” I sighed,”I have two more calls to make, and then we can get some food.”  
Derek grunted his assent. I walked away into one of the other bedrooms. I know there is no such thing as privacy, but I still very much enjoy the illusion of it. And seeing as how I was truly dreading my next call. And yes I fully expected a screeching “Stiles Stilinski!”, but the call still had to be done. She answered as expected. However unexpectedly, the alpha did not like that at all. I took a couple breathes and managed to grit out an even,”Lydia.” It may not have been quite so even. And then, there was silence. I realized after a moment that she must have been remembering Deaton's, because the next words out of her mouth were about as nice as she has ever been to me.

“Stiles, I was really worried about you tonight. It has been an emotional day and I need to know you are alright.”

“Wow Lyds, can you grind your teeth any harder?”

“Stiles!”

“Lydia, I swear I’m fine. I’m with Derek. I just need time to get used to this. Just for the night. It has been a rough day, but I got a nice ending.” I may have tried to do the finger gun thing but then realized she couldn’t see, so it was just like me tsking into the phone.

“So I do not have to threaten Derek with an unplanned, unscheduled trip to the vet?”

“Not at all! What I would like for you to do, is maybe have Kira spend the night?”

After a moment of silence, she answered hesitantly,”I don’t have a problem with that. I can go pick her up right now, can I ask why?”

I scratched my chin, thinking about how much I want to reveal to Lydia about Kira. Being connected like this, while it is wonderful for the wolves, who are used to it. It can seem a little violating. For someone to know how you are always feeling. Decision made, I answered,”Honestly, I think she is lonely. She cut herself off from all of us, and then spent literally all day with the pack. And now she is alone again. I just think she needs a BFF night.”

“Okay. I’ll need about 7 minutes to get ready and I will go pick her up. Does she know yet?”

“Im calling her as soon as we get off the phone.”

“Well then. Will we be seeing you tomorrow?”

“Yes Lyds, we will all do lunch again.”

“Okay, I will see you then. Good night Stiles.”

“Good night Lydia. Thanks for doing this. Oh and lydia?”

“Yes?”

“You did a great job tonight. And I appreciate how hard you are trying. You are going to be a fantastic second.”

And ladies and gentlemen, I made Lydia Martin speechless for about 9 seconds.

“I...second? But….Thank you Stiles. It is an honor. I hope I will serve you well.”

“Bye Lydia.” I smiled at my phone, then looked up to see Derek’s forlorn face.

“What?”

“I just thought...I’m just surprised you made her second.”

“Well I mean, it's kinda an honorary title. If I’m not available, then you were take care of whatever. On the off chance, we’re both MIA, then Lydia would the best choice. Wouldn’t she?”

Derek suddenly smiled, “So then what is my title?” He walked slowly towards me, with a most mischievous smirk.

Dear lord this man makes me so nervous. He sat beside me on the decrepit couch. He was so close I could feel his breath on me, his warm hands on my hips. Didn’t he want it?

“I just assumed it would be Alpha’s mate. I mean if you don’t like it, I can change it and lydia will just have to deal….”

Derek laid a trail of kisses up my neck, once he got to my ear he whispered,”I love it. I just didn’t know how you felt about it.”

And wow. Red alert. New kink. Derek has full permission to come up on me and whisper in my ear any time he wants. That man has a voice of sex.

“It is still above second, right?” I asked.

“Yes, it is very much above second.”

“Good because…..” And then I remembered about Kira and Lydia on her way to get her.  
“No, no, no. One more call. I have to. You are supposed to be doing something not distracting. Five minutes. Just five minutes then we can make out like horny teenagers.”

Derek just snorted and moved away to go back to the common area. I resisted the urge to look over my shoulder. He is right there, Stilinski. No need to be quite so clingy. Thankfully Kira answered within 2 rings. “Hey Stiles, is everything okay?”

“Everything is just fine. On my end anyways.”

“Uh, okay?”

“The real question here Kira, is how are you doing?”

“Me? I’m fine. Totally fine. Nothing is wrong at all. Why do you think something is wrong? Cause it is totally not...wrong that is.”

“Kira, even if I didn’t have a direct line to your emotions, I can still tell something is wrong. Talk to me, whats up?”

“I just...lunch was just so...and at the loft with…”

“How about I you what I think, and you can tell me if I’m hot or cold?”

“Okay.”

“I think you feel lonely as hell right now.”

I could hear her sniffle. “Yeah, a little.”

“Actually, I think you have been lonely as hell for the past few weeks. You thought we all hated you, then today you find out that wasn’t the case at all. Then you spent all day with your friends, who were overjoyed to see you. And now you are home, in your room alone. Feeling worse than ever. Before you thought you had no one, but now you have all these people and it just wasn’t enough to chase those feelings away.”

“How can you possibly know this? Can you read my mind now?”

I sighed, “No, I’m just very experienced with the feeling of loneliness. I think you need more time with pack. Is that something you would like?”

“Yes, please. I knows it is stupid. I spent all day with everyone, but I miss you. And Lydia. And all the others so much.

“Good, because I think a night with your best friend would do you a world of good.”

“But it's so late and Lydia is probably...hold on...here? Lydia is here?!”

I had to pull the phone away from my ear. Apparently when Kira is excited she can get a little high pitched.

“Kira, grab some clothes for tomorrow and go spend the night at Lydia’s. We are all having lunch tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Stiles. Really!”

“Good night Kira. Have fun with Lydia. I love you and I will see you tomorrow.”

“Night Stiles, I love you to. And the same to Derek!”

Hanging up, gave me the most intense feeling of satisfaction. I checked on her ping again. I got back pure happy vibes. Gaining confidence, I turned around to find Derek back in the chair reading. Slowly, I crawled into his lap, making him set aside the book. I took his face in my hands, and gave him a gentle kiss. Pulling back, Derek had a twinkle in his eye, and seeing that just made me all the more sure.

“I have been in love with you for so long, I don't even know when exactly it happened. When we were in the pool, I felt so conflicted. I knew Lydia was outside crying, and I did care. But not like I cared about you right then. I was so mad at Scott for blowing me off, but yet I was happy to spend time with you, no matter what the circumstances were. You saved me so many times, I couldn’t help but to be in awe of your strength. Not just physically either. I was so proud that you picked 3 people that would appreciate the bite more than scott ever did. I was so scared for you, the entire time the alpha pack was here. I was so blindingly jealous when you got with Ms. Blake, I didn’t even know what to do with myself. Yet, I was so elated that you actually listened to me about her. And when you gave up the alpha power to save cora, I knew I could never find anyone else that cares as deeply as you do. I don’t remember a lot of being possessed. I just remember the power. The complete and total control, of basically everything because I was 5 steps ahead of everyone. I hurt every friend that I have. I’ve talked to all of them about the nogitsune, except you. Because I had no idea how to explain your name on the King.”  
He leaned forward to kiss me, just to reassure me that it was okay. I planted soft kisses all over his face. His eyes, cheeks, nose, forehead. I hugged him as tight as I could. As if he would float away from me if I didn’t use all my strength to keep him there. I laid my chin on top of his head and ran my fingers through his hair.

“But none of that, compares to how terrified I was when the Deadpool came around. Terrified when I saw your name. Terrified when your name broke the last part of the list. And I didn’t even know how to feel when your name wasn’t on the list anymore. The ride to Mexico with you and Liam was just downright excruciating. I wanted so badly to touch you, but Braedon was driving. Liam was wolfing out. Scott and Kira were missing. The worst part of being in love with you though, was when you got shot, and I couldn’t do a damn thing. I don’t know that devastated really covers how I felt. I couldnt freak out. I couldn't cry or stay with you. When you told me to go, I could only hope that you were giving me a sign that you were okay. When we came back out, there were gun shells everywhere. Gun shells and blood, bodies and guns. I found your bloody clothes and thought that this is the end. And I was going to have to hide my grief, because no one knew just how much I cared.

“Seeing you in wolf form, and changing back was probably the most nerve wracking, heart clenching, relieving experience ever. I was, and still am, scared of how much I care about you. I never knew I could love anyone like I love you.” I loosened my grip, and pulled him away so I could look him in the eye again. “I wasn’t going to do the big love confession. I didn’t want it to be a big sappy thing. But with all the horrors we face, I needed you to know. This isn’t a game. This isn’t a fling or something I will get over. I might be young, but I have lived a thousand lifetimes. I want this to be my last one, and I want to do it by your side. No matter how many people I’m the alpha of, or how many people I am responsible for, you will always be my number one priority.”

“Jesus Stiles.” he whispered. Then it was all lips, tongues, sucking and nibbles. His hands creeped up under my shirt, his thumbs brushed up against my nipples, the reflex making my hips buck against him. And wow, Derek was hard. I ground my hips down again and was rewarded with a deep moan. My hands slid down to the bottom of his shirt, and slowly lifted till he stopped kissing me and took it off. I ripped mine off as well, he kissed down my neck leaving a trail of sucker bites. All I did was run my hand over his pecs, I did not expect the hip bucking shudder that ran through him. Raising my eyebrows I went to flick my tongue over one nipple while I teased the other one with my hand. Licking, biting, sucking, and nibbling. I tried all the things I could think of, and damn did he respond.

“Stiles, I’m gonna come. Fuck, I can’t last.” He moaned at me.

“Jesus thats the hottest thing to ever happen to me. Do it. I wanna see you fall apart.”

He really didn’t last much longer. I licked a long quick trail up to his shoulder, then bit the muscle at the base of his neck right as I ground my hips down against his. That pushed him over the edge to his climax and watching him was so hot, I followed right after. I chuckled after enjoying the afterglow for a minute. “Told you we were going to make out like horny teenagers.” Derek put his finger up to my lips, “Don’t ruin the afterglow.” he growled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone interested in being a beta?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Kudos? Let me know what you guys think? Should I continue or quit before I embarrass myself.


End file.
